nebulous age

Small Victories

2012-02-14T13:32:00.000-05:00

I'm happy to report that I have lost 10 pounds since the beginning of the year, and I am on track to lose more most of the time. I have been slowly but steadily improving at bowling (though still the lowest scorer on the league). Finally, the Germany trip looks like it's going to be a reality. I will be teaching an online class to prepare the students who are going. I have never taught an online class (actually, its sort of hybrid; two classes, in theory, are supposed to meet in person) before. I am soooo excited!

Progress

2012-01-29T10:59:00.002-05:00

I'm still trying to work on the health stuff one good choice at a time. The weight is going in the right direction (down, of course) but very slowly. My husband was really successful with modified Perricone so he'd like me to try that. He's willing to cook for me, so I'll give it a go. One problem I have with plans that are somewhat prescriptive in nature is I have to think about food too much and then I start obsessing in a way that causes me to want to eat constantly. He does most of the cooking anyway (he's a very good cook) so it will feel pretty natural. Some things I've been doing well are avoiding second helpings, snacking on fruit, and making better choices (usually) when I eat away from home. I have to work on my angry eating, candy fixation (the world is full of candy), and eating between meals.

I had to skip my second week of bowling because I pulled a muscle in my back during a coughing fit. The strong meds, warm Thermacare packs and pain caused me to sleep a lot for a few days, so that kept me away from the fridge. I did get to the third week of bowling and had fun (although my teammates never think I'm having fun because I always seem tense, but that's just how I seem when I'm doing anything out of the ordinary). I drink beer at bowling (not too much), so I will plan for that from a calorie standpoint.

The annoying work stuff has been tempered by a wonderful opportunity. It looks like I will be teaching an online class connected with a trip to Germany, and I'll be going on that trip as well. That is another incentive to get in better shape. It's just easier to travel from a variety of perspectives when one is strong and slender...long plane trips, wardrobe/packing choices, carrying stuff and so on. I have to complete the application (it's for another CC) today. I thought it would be a simple application for the record, but it appears I have to prepare a lot of accompanying materials. I'm trying to figure out every class I've taught for the past five years, going through papers and whatnot. It's also motivating me to review what German I know, especially since I've been getting kind of lazy because I'm auditing my current class. The class I'm teaching is more a cultural/preparation kind of thing, so fluency is not so important. I'm going to do some intensive study anyway because I want to be a good example.

Bowling

2012-01-13T19:46:00.002-05:00

I am replacing someone on our work bowling team for the next several weeks. I went for the first time earlier this week and I was not very good at all, but I really think I will get better. My teammates are nice and encouraging and really gave helpful advice. It was nice to spend time with work folks in that context, although it's hard to come into an established group of people and not feel shy and awkward for a while. I'm really looking forward to going back next week. I really enjoyed being involved in an activity and not just sitting in front of the computer or TV.

Games

2012-01-11T11:10:00.002-05:00

I'm doing a little bit better now because I've got skin in the game. I joined one of these contests in which you submit some money. If you lose a certain percentage of weight by a certain time, you get your money back, and you split up the money of those who didn't meet the goal among the successful participants.

The percentage I need to lose in the amount of time I need to lose it is not at all unreasonable, and will get me back into the clothes that no longer fit.

There is a situation going on at work that is making me really angry, so I don't know whether that anger is going to help me burn off calories or make me want to eat unhealthy things to handle the stress. It is certainly a motivator for exercise. The situation is being handled via the proper channels, but I'm in this place now where I just want a WIN. I wonder if this is what happens to politicians; at some point, it's not so much about principles, but they just don't want to be beat down in the game. (To be clear, it is still about the principles for me, but I really want to play the hand I have well. I want people to know that those of us affected know how.)

I think I'm going to call the guy who cuts my hair this week. I'm going to ask him to give me something that looks corporate scary.

Week 2 Will Be Better

2012-01-07T19:41:00.002-05:00

There were small victories this week regarding my health makeover, but quite honestly, I did not do what I set out to do. There were a couple emotional challenges this week, and I suspect there will be next week as well. That's when work gets into full swing, my new German classes start, and I think I might be joining a bowling league (that will actually be fun, I think). I'm going to try to live my plan, but I suspect it will be easier in week 3, when a routine begins falling into place. I sort of hit bottom emotionally yesterday, mainly relating to work. I think there might be legitimate avenues opening up there in which I can appropriately express myself, and that will be most helpful. We have a new director, and I have high hopes for her. They are going to redesign our building, and the open office/hoteling plan is a source of much contention. I think it will go forward with or without our enthusiasm, though, so I might as well try to look forward to it. I just want it to hurry up and be done because I know what it's like to live "under construction." I have also started looking into renewing certifications, memberships, and so on, so that kind of professional development is on the docket for next week.

Day 2...Not So Great

2012-01-03T20:57:00.002-05:00

I had to skip breakfast because of my blood tests, and I ended the day with a glass of wine and Juevos Rancheros during dinner out with a friend. There was no exercise to speak of except the approximate 3 block walk to my work meeting from the parking lot and a couple of flights up stairs. I also ate a chocolate covered pretzel and a cookie at the work meeting.

My success for today was eating a little bit of yogurt with cereal and tolerating it. Tomorrow will be a better today because I will be at home and I have stocked the house with lots of healthy choices. I'll also spend 30 minutes minimum with the exercise equipment. I'll have to figure out a strategy for Thursday and Friday when I go to more work meetings. I think I'll pack some grapes or something. Onward and upward.

A Good Day

2012-01-02T22:44:00.002-05:00

I did pretty much what I set out to do today. I spent 30 minutes with the elliptical, Pilates ball and some small weights. I ate fruit and salad for lunch, and chicken, brown basmati rice, veggies and fruit for dinner. I haven't eaten anything since about 7:15 because I'm having fasting blood tests tomorrow morning. I missed breakfast because I got up late, but I'll do better tomorrow(after the tests). I bought a small carton of yogurt which I'm going to attempt to eat without gagging. I really, really want to like yogurt because I know it's such a healthy food. I learned to like skim milk in college, so I think I can conquer this yogurt thing.

Fitness Project Day 1

2012-01-02T11:05:00.003-05:00

I read recently that most people have abandoned their new year's resolutions by January 2o. I really do not want that to happen, so I'm putting this up in the hope that documentation will strengthen my commitment. I have sketched out a daily meal plan and exercise routine. I will report later today whether I have successfully lived that plan.

Done!

2011-12-26T11:24:00.002-05:00

I did not live the days leading up to the Christmas celebrations as I might have liked to, but everything turned out well. Christmas Eve and Christmas were lovely. I can't find my camera (again!) so I'm waiting on photos from some other folks.

There is a little more celebrating to do this week. Some friends from out of state are coming over for dinner tomorrow, and Friday will be the extended family celebration that has come to be known as Taco Christmas. New Year's Eve won't be the traditional celebration, but I think it will be a laid-back evening of going out to dinner followed by visiting and card-playing.

Today is just deliciously relaxing.

The Pressure is Mounting...But Not Really

2011-12-21T08:59:00.002-05:00

I have never been so late getting ready...I mean REALLY ready for Christmas. The basics are done. The tree is up (although it could use a few more ornaments.) Most gifts are purchased, and many are wrapped, but I need quite a few more stocking stuffers. The house needs to be cleaned and the food purchased and prepared. We are changing the Christmas Eve menu a bit, so that's a slight complication. The table and other things need to be party-decorated.

I'm having a traditional Christmas season ladies-who-lunch afternoon with a couple of girlfriends today, and I am REALLY looking forward to it. I'm hoping that will kick-start my usual level of enthusiasm (but without the tension.) I've really been having a been-there, done that a million times before feeling this year. I'm hoping the result of that will be less stress and more enjoying-the-moment feelings. We'll see.

Mrs. Santa's Workshop never happened, by the way. The room actually looks like an episode of Hoarders, but I'm hoping I can create the illusion by Christmas Eve.

Vulnerability

2011-12-17T08:10:00.003-05:00

1. Holiday preparations are not going as quickly as I would like them to.

2. This is a wonderful video.
It's about vulnerability, given by a person who is very data-driven.

Christmas 2011 Prep Days Two and Three

2011-11-30T13:00:00.003-05:00

There are so many aspects of this season that I love (and some that with which I have a love/hate thing going on.) I came home to husband and son yesterday assembling the Christmas tree (yeah, it's fake. I love candles, and having set a tablecloth on fire once or twice, I really don't want a real tree drying out in here.) It was very nice to see after a bit of a nerve-racking drive home (beginning of the first real snow this season that ended up dumping 9.4" in my neighborhood.) It looks quite lovely out, but since my husband has been spending all morning trying to fix the starter on the snowblower, it's slowing me down a bit tree-wise. He knows how to thread the lights on the pre-lit tree through the wire angel (which must be put up first. Quite honestly, I haven't even located the angel yet.)

I took a brief lunch break and some down time to check my Facebook, and a friend had shared this.
Christmas kitsch (or as the blogger calls it, kitschmas) is one of the things I have a love/hate relationship with. Enjoy!

Christmas 2011 Prep Day One

2011-11-28T14:34:00.002-05:00

Well, actually, I started shopping a while back, but what makes today Day One is that I'll be putting away the Fall/Thanksgiving stuff and getting out the Christmas stuff. I have a goal to create a workspace with a "Mrs. Santa's Workshop" theme in the room where I usually do my class prep/paper grading (aka the spare bedroom). I have also spent the morning Cyber-Monday shopping and think I may have actually managed to purchase a few things for others. There will also be a bit of an interruption this week because I'm preparing a birthday party for my husband this weekend. Updates and photos will follow.

Plans and Possibilities

2011-05-23T09:31:00.003-04:00

I am currently in Week Two of three weeks off, and as usual, the time seems to fill up almost without my participation. The time so far has been spent at meetings, an art festival, a birthday party, an overnight visit from out-of-state friends and this week there will be a doctor appointment, a shopping trip, and an out-of-town shower. On top of that, my car battery has died and I will need to get that taken care of.

I had hoped to have time for things like organizing my closet, photographs, computer files, and work and hobby items, as well as doing some crafting/scrapbooking, gentle hiking, and catching up on pleasure and professional reading. Most of these things are things I have been thinking about for some time now, but just don't seem to get to. I also want to re-purpose or re-focus my blog, or maybe even start a new one in conjunction with interests I hope to pursue...gentle hiking, for example.

It seems like it should be a matter of just doing it, but I really need a dedicated space for some of these activities. I had started to do it in our spare room, then my granddaughter moved in with us for a while and stayed in that room, so I have to get her things cleared out.

Right now I think my plan might be this: start a different blog in which I document my efforts to become a healthier person (incorporating the gentle hike material), and maintain this one as the age-focused blog, and then one more professional-interest based blog. I mean, I may or may not do these things, but I think if I set them up, it would be a way to create some personal accountability for my promises to myself. It's not so much whether anyone reads them or not, although that's always nice. I just like the idea of the goals being up there in some mildly public way as both a reminder and yes, an admonishment.

Hello, 2011!

2011-01-12T22:40:00.003-05:00

I am still putting the Christmas stuff away, but 2011 now feels like it has started. I went to Professional Development at work today and I'll start teaching my classes next Tuesday. I'm going to start taking a German class on Saturday, and I might stick around campus for open swim and a free yoga class.

2010 started off so strangely with life-threatening illnesses of family members who are now OK, thank God. I also lost it a little myself, not having come back completely from the hysterectomy at the time, but I now feel like myself again. 2010 ended wonderfully, for the most part, with my graduation from library school (I now have an MLIS, woo-hoo!) and my sister's wedding (first marriage at the age of 62...there is quite a story there and I wish it were mine to tell, but alas, it is not, at least not here.)

I am thinking about possibly going to Germany again, but I spent a night away at my mom's this past weekend (helping her move) and I got so incredibly homesick that I don't know if I really want to go unless I can persuade my hubby to go too. We do plan to take a special trip to celebrate our 30th anniversary later this year, so there is that.

Onward and upward.

In Defense of My Time (and Occasional Money) Spent in the Villes of Yo, Farm, and Frontier

2010-08-24T11:44:00.003-04:00

I just responded to an NPR post on Facebook asking if people had ever spent real-world money on virtual games such as Farmville. I responded that I had purchased an occasional game card to furnish a house or finish a building and that I would probably buy a few cards as stocking stuffers for relatives who play. I then read comments that ranged from people who had no problem shelling out cash to people like me to others who think these games are a waste of time and money.

I spend money on many forms of entertainment, as do most people, I think--movies, cable TV, spending time with friends in coffee shops, pubs, restaurants, and as I pointed out, occasional gambling on special occasions (spring break trips to Las Vegas, anniversary trips, etc.) I also spend as much time as possible trying to enjoy myself (I don't think that is a bad thing), and I find these games pleasurable. Many commenters said that most of us spend money on various forms of entertainment.

Then there were the "purist" gamers saying these are not really games because all one does is click, click, click, I have heard previous comments such as this that these are Pavlovian, rat in a maze, exploitive games.

Well, here is my joy in playing: I like shopping and acquiring things, but this becomes a problem of money and space in the real world. Playing these games gives me the pleasure of acquisition without a pile of real stuff to have to deal with. I also feel joy similar to that when I was a child and would spend many happy hours playing house, school, and Barbies. For my friend Debbie and me, the fun of Barbies was in creating houses from toys we had as well as empty tissue boxes and other found materials. We would also create stories for our dolls. These having been different times, we would explain our lack of male dolls by saying our dolls' husbands were in VietNam (as her brothers had been.) We would stuff Little Kiddle dolls under their dresses and say they were pregnant. (Again, these being different times, we did not understand that this was problematic with the absent "husbands.")

I like playing with the Yo girl as she furnishes her rooms, the little farmer as she plants various crops and furnishes and decorates the farm, and my Frontier lady who is so much stronger than I as she chops down trees and tames the wilderness (and I actually begin to see the joy some family members of mine have from real-world "settling" of their lake property, though I would not enjoy this (having been an "indoor kid who reads"--thanks, Daniel Tosh. :-))

There were also people who say those of us who play should get out and meet people in the "real world." I have actually been able to have conversations with strangers in the real world based on playing these games...and I have actually established further relationships with people (mom of son's ex-girlfriend who has become a friend...we have even been on vacation together despite living in different states...granted, most were turn-taking word games as opposed to "Ville" games, but still...).

Then finally there was at least one commenter who said she is not judgmental about the games, but wants to know how to get them off her wall. It is not difficult at all to hide and block these games without blocking the friend.

Therefore, I shall continue to play these games until I am bored with them, and I will even probably occasionally spend small amounts of real-world cash.

Hacking Higher Education

2010-07-21T08:38:00.000-04:00

Hacking Higher Education

This is really good stuff. This is from Maria, the lady who helped me down the top of the mountain when I panicked. Even though I'm not a "math person", I love this blog. Lots of good stuff here about teaching and learning.

Summer Stuff

2010-07-11T18:50:00.002-04:00

So I'm sure, dear reader (do I have a reader?), you have been asking yourself, what has this blogger been up to since last she wrote in February?

I did indeed get my medical withdrawal, but I will be seeing my advisor later thisa week to see if please, dear God, I can take a different class from the one that has flummoxed me for so long. I will then get on a waiting list for fall, or if need be, take it in the winter.

Sad to report, none of the hoped-for graduations from Master's programs have (yet) taken place. I did, however, take my long-coveted trip to Germany! It was wonderful, and I did go on that Swiss Alps trip (riding the gondola most of the way, and taking a bit of a hike after that. I needed to be helped down by a traveling companion after a bit of a panic. Fortunately, she happens to be a former Girl Scout guide who used to live and hike frequently in Montana.)She is also a math instructor. Perhaps I can get her to see me through that source of anxiety as well.

Through a strange sequence of events, I was functioning as something of an exchange student. I stayed with a truly lovely young woman (a bit younger than my son) named Astrid while her parents were away. I was worried she would be very disappointed to be stuck with one of the old folks, but she could not have been kinder or more gracious. In fact, she stayed with me when it was time for the German group to come here. That was also a lot of fun. I had a potluck at my house and went to many of the outings.

There have been some high school graduations and we have a new baby in the family. (For better or worse, the parents of the new baby were two of the graduates.) The baby is beyond adorable and I am looking forward to my first opportunity to babysit.

It has been fun to watch the kids prepare their college plans (fortunately, they all have them, including baby mama and baby daddy.) It has also been fun (and fattening) to go to open houses, etc.

I also went to my first gay bar (technically, gay-friendly bar) and saw my first drag show that was not part of a bigger performance (Cher, Cirque du Soleil, etc.). I have a relative who was celebrating a significant birthday and he has won categories in some recent pageants in this milieu. I learnrd there is something of an etiquette for these performances and also learned this seems to be a friendly, intimate neighborhood type of bar that has Monday night Bingo--who would have thought that to find the smoke-free bingo I have sought lo, these many years, I would need to stop going to the churches and frequent a gay bar?

I have not talked to my relative about this yet and don't know if I will, but I have reservations about drag performances. I don't really understand how they are that much different (except for historical issues, subtleties, etc.) from blackface. There is an exaggeration of sexuality as if that is all there is to being a woman. The performers are not emulating someone like Marie Curie or Mother Teresa or Margaret Mead, but some weird idea of what being a woman is. They dance and lip-synch and the emcee jokes (in a rather hostile way, my friend and I thought) about various aspects of being a woman.

Yet I can't say I didn't have fun. My experiences in this past year have made me think (as I always have, but more so this year) about what being a woman is/means. I know it is not what they are putting out there, but maybe that's not their intent. Is it sympathetic? Is it hostile? Is it a wish? I think it's definitely a misunderstanding.

However, I was very happy for my relative when it was announced as a birthday surprise that he would be third "House Diva" meaning he will perform the first Wednesday of every month and another one of his choice. I will go see him (and the others) again because damn, it was fun.

Time Out

2010-02-23T20:39:00.003-05:00

Well, so, long story short, this time I didn't drop the tech class, I withdrew. I'm working on getting a medical withdrawal, per the advice of my advisor. I'm not feeling particularly good about it, but there has just been an unusual confluence of events over the past year and I think my body, mind, and spirit just need recharging (and perhaps a bit of medicating). I always wondered about people who would do this kind of thing when they were ONE CLASS away from graduating, but now I guess I kind of get it.

The good thing is I'm feeling more enthusiastic about my job. I think one of the hard things was going back in January for the first time since last September. While I had the practicum in the late fall, there was lots of flexibility there. Resuming work again at the same time this class began and then having two family health crises in January was a bit much...and as these things go, they didn't play out the way I thought they would. The one I thought was the most immediately serious seems relatively resolved, and the one I thought there was time on before it created problems started being difficult right away.

I think there was also the matter of the changes at work. While those started in the summer and became more pronounced in the fall, I really didn't have time to acclimate to a lot of things before I was out for a few months. Now that I can concentrate on just my job, I'm starting to feel more comfortable in my surroundings.

I will finish this, though, because I really want it. I will use this time to develop and work a strategy for getting this done. I also need to think about strategies for handling challenges that seem to come suddenly from several different aspects of life. I also need to maintain my optimism in what seem like not very good times. Luckily, my husband is pretty good at offering perspective. It's nice to have someone who has been through a few existential crises of his own to see me through mine.

My Sad and Desperate Reflection

2010-01-25T18:48:00.004-05:00

Strangely, I'm hoping this helps. If I can dump all this negativity onto the page, perhaps I can overcome the mental block I'm currently experiencing. I've already done 20 minutes on the elliptical trainer, had a good cry (scared the dog), had a rousing chase and play session with the dog, and I still feel stupid and useless and I don't know what to do.

I have a horrible class that until recently, I've been calling the Scary Tech Class. I decided that was part of what was giving me a negative attitude about the whole thing and decided I would stop doing that. It is an online web site development class. It uses a combination of a book which uses Notepad and a bit of deprecated code which we are not to use. It has a software program which, until this semester, I have been unable to download and install on my computer. (Was finally able to do it on my husband's new desktop, necessitated by the big Hard Drive Crash of '09. Long story.) We have the new version of the Web development software, but the training DVDs are geared to the previous version. (I have dropped the class twice before. Once for not such great reasons and the second time because I had to have my (oft-discussed on this blog) surgery.

There are two projects a week and last week, I thought I got at least one of them, but the professor sent back a bunch of corrections. I made a couple, but I'm not comprehending a couple of them. For people who know this stuff, it's not that complicated and would be embarrassing if anyone who knows what's going on saw what the problem was. I ended up getting 0 credit last week even though I worked hard. Now I am probably going to get 0 credit this week too. This means that if I do everything else perfectly (not likely) the best I can end up with is a B.

This is the last class I need to get my Master's. I have been at this for three years. I have established a very nice GPA--not perfect--but something I'm pleased and proud of. I feel I genuinely worked for it, and now this class might keep me from graduating. When I shared a few family and personal problems (primarily health-related) that are going on right now, the professor suggested I might want to drop the class and try this or a different tech class in the Spring/Summer. My husband and I both decided against that because of my two previous drops and we both really want me to be done. Today would have been the last day to drop with a full tuition refund (minus the registration fee, as always).

It's not so much the projects themselves, but I have to submit them via these links on the web site and I can't get them right. In addition to the file and folder naming and placing issues I have, it's not helping that on the lecture videos, the professor's screen is somewhat different from mine (Previous version? I'm not sure.) One problem is I'm not sure what "translates." I don't have an intuitive sense of this, and in these situations, even when I think I do, I'm wrong.

Another thing that's getting to me is a few classmates have made their sites available, and while they vary in quality and complexity, they seem to be "getting it" and I will be two weeks behind tomorrow if this situation continues. That is one thing I hate about online classes (even though I like some onlike classes). In a regular class, even if I end up doing well, if I start out slow I can usually meet a kindred spirit befuddled as I am. I have even had this happen when I've had one online class and one face-to-face class. There will usually be someone taking the same classes with whom I can compare war stories. The ones who are getting it are posting, and the ones like me are lying low. Well, of course, I also have little to post. It just feels so lonely.

I'm mad at myself, too, because I had an offer of help this past weekend from someone who has done this for a living, but I thought I could get it myself; I did not. One of the issues is I feel bad imposing on someone's professional skills, and the other was it was just an awkward weekend. It was my son's birthday and we were taking him out, and it was my first chance to visit a relative in the hospital since she had surgery (I was there that day) and she had been moved from the neuro ICU. I tried to contact him tonight but haven't received a message back.

This is not like a writing assignment in which I can dump a bunch of stuff on a page, then organize and revise it. It has to be done just so, and if it isn't, I can't do the rest of it. I'm stuck, stuck, stuck, and I stare at my screen and re-watch the videos and re-read the book chapters and...nothing. I really need to be taught this stuff in person, but all the tech classes in my program are online now.

Well, back to the salt mines. Wish me luck. I sure as hell need it.

2010-01-16T12:32:00.002-05:00

I was looking at my last post and feeling a little deja-vu-ish. Again, I now have two seriously ill family members. I am hoping for some graduation and celebration action this spring (me, and just maybe my son.) I want to belatedly celebrate my 50th birthday, and I am actually kind of looking into a possible trip to Germany (except I found out there might be hiking in the Alps involved, and I really don't want to do that. I'm not what you call an outdoor gal. There have, in fact, been threats in the past to expel me from group camping trips.I would not be the first person thrown off Survivor because I would be totally non-threatening, but I would be thrown off soon because I would be the weakest link.)

I have discovered that illness involves a lot of waiting...for news, for information about treatments, for sitting around during treatments and waiting for them to work, and waiting to feel better, and this is definitely a waiting for more news phase. One goes ahead and makes plans then, and proceeds as if nothing is different, but of course always knowing that it is.

So meanwhile, I will try to finish the last class standing between me and my degree, jump through the other hoops involved, keep adjusting to the fact that I can not control the decisions of other adult people (but still try to figure out how I can positively influence them), beg to be able to go to Germany but not be made to hike, and just try to ride the waves as they come. (Not literally, of course. I would drown.)

Things I Did in the First Decade of this Century

2010-01-02T19:56:00.003-05:00

Started a new job at which I still work. Went to my stepdad's funeral. Briefly took medicine for anxiety and depression. Went to China, Amsterdam, and St. Petersburg, Russia. Started a blog. Had a big party to celebrate my 25th wedding anniversary. Went to my 30-year high school reunion. Waited as family members had bypass surgery, breast cancer surgery, hip surgery due to a serious auto accident, and chemotherapy. Visited Little Rock and Fayetteville, Arkansas, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina, Austin, Texas and San Diego, California. Fractured a metatarsal; had an endometrial ablation and a hysterectomy. Started graduate school (but delayed finishing until this decade because of the previous items). Saw my son graduate from high school and college and start grad school. Hoping greedily for all good stuff in the next decade.

Back to Reality

2009-11-04T10:04:00.005-05:00

It has been six weeks since my surgery, and I will have to return to at least some portions of my real life. Here are some of the things I will miss about recovery:

Getting dressed whenever I want, if at all
Watching The Doctors and Everybody Loves Raymond reruns (and really guilty pleasures, the occasional Bewitched or Beverly Hillbillies rerun)
Flowers, cards, gifties like tea, candy, and stuffed animals to hold on my belly, getting taken to lunch (some overlap in attention here in that my birthday occurred during the recovery period)
Getting asked how I feel all the time
Permission to be self-centered
Playing with my scrapbook stuff (did not get many actual pages done, but played with my stuff a lot...organizing photos and supplies, cutting out things for future projects)
Doing silly things like decoupaging wooden tissue boxes

Here are things I won't miss:

Not being able to play with my dog
Pain, soreness, discomfort
The inability to find a comfortable position to sit or sleep
Not being able to watch a comedy special or a funny movie because it hurts too much to laugh
The Creeping Weepies
Boredom!

So right now I'm in the middle...have not been officially "released" yet, but know I will be soon, and feeling well enough to participate in some, but not all, the stuff of life.

On the Mend

2009-11-01T09:34:00.012-05:00

Tuesday will be the five-week mark for my surgery. I'm starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel, but I am so, so, so happy I don't have to return to work right now as many women on my online support group must. I drove for just a short distance Monday night, to the mall, which is very close to my house. In better times (and better weather), I have walked there. I usually don't, though, for shopping, in case I have to carry something back. I met a friend there for coffee/dinner, and we walked around the mall a bit.

Friday I drove my husband to the car repair place to pick up his car, then I stopped at a nearby shopping center and drove myself home. That was a bit more of a challenge because my seatbelt was putting pressure on my incision area, and checking my blind spots was a bit uncomfortable. It was also more exhausting then I thought; when I checked the time in my car, I was surprised I hadn't been shopping much, much longer than I had.

The issues now, then, are discomfort more than pain, a lack of flexibility (I was distressed to discover that what I wanted at JoAnn's was on a bottom shelf and I would not be able to look the items over without help), and a lack of stamina. However, I had about 15 sensation-free minutes this morning in which I forgot I was "Surgery Girl" or "Recovery Girl" as one of the ladies has described it.

I went to a Halloween get-together last night dressed as my interpretation of a Mad Men character, "an unnnamed employee of Sterling-Cooper." Not only did this give me a chance to pay homage to one of my favorite TV shows, but also to wear the silly bouffant wig I found at the costume store. I so admired the puffy hairdos my older sister and her friends wore, but when my time came, straight hair, then Farrah hair and hideous perms were the trend. (I regret to say that I often went the hideous perm route.)

I was proud of not only going to that get-together, but pulling together a costume (of sorts) that involved putting on a wig and false eyelashes and struggling into pantyhose twice (I discovered the first pair had a run). Spending time at a party really helped me to feel more normal, I think.

I will return to my practicum in about a week-and-a-half, I think (I also completed and turned in an online assignment for the practicum seminar this past week). I am preparing items for the project I will do when I get back, and tomorrow I will re-enroll for the scary tech class I have dropped twice (let's hope the third time is indeed a charm.) I'm glad to be slowly returning to real life, but I am especially glad to have the opportunity to take it slowly.

The Gypsy 24-hour Design Challenge Project by Susan Edwards

2009-10-27T16:57:00.002-04:00

Please vote for my very talented friend Susan's project so she can win a trip to NYC. She is an amazing scrapbooker and paper crafter, among her many other talents. Voting ends tomorrow, Wednesday, October 28 at 11:59 p.m.

The Gypsy 24-hour Design Challenge Project by Susan Edwards

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Weepy Day

2009-10-08T11:42:00.003-04:00

Everything is going on and nothing is going on. There is, of course, my aforementioned surgery, from which I am still recovering. This appears to be "weepy day" in the recovery process. As I also mentioned before, I have a bag of hormone patches, but whenever I have been tempted to use them, I start to wonder whether my issue is a result of the surgery itself, which is a pretty big trauma to one's body, or the new issues created by the surgery, for which the patches are intended.

Complicating that, I just collected a batch of early birthday cards from the mailbox. This will be my 50th birthday, so most of the cards mention that. I am fine with turning 50, but before this surgery came up, I had grand ideas about how I might spend this milestone. One idea was a special trip, maybe to Germany. However, before this surgery came up, I knew I would be enrolled in the scary tech class, so a trip was out. I had a variety of other ideas, but now just getting something like "dressed" is kind of a victory (stretchy high-waisted exercise pants and tops that cover my hips). So now I guess I will be doing next to nothing to mark this milestone.

It's not that I am being ignored. I have been receiving cards. Earlier this week my new phone arrived, a nice new phone I've been asking for. My husband also got a phone. We have been sharing one relatively basic cell phone for years, so this will be nice, especially when I can figure out our plan and how to use the various features on my phone without unintentionally running up a huge bill.

As I started writing this, my husband was in the basement trying to finish a scrapbook cabinet he has been making for me, so that's certainly nice. Then he came up and saw I was upset, and I explained the cards and said, "This is going to be a sucky birthday." To his credit, he said, "Yes, it is."

But then he said he had been thinking it's also kind of an opportunity. Because I will be taking the next session of work off (my recommended recovery period goes well into the session, so I just decided to ask to take it off and make myself available to sub when I feel better), we might be able to take a mini-vacation when I'm feeling up to it.

I feel a lot better now.

(By the way, the other upside is I had an excuse to postpone the scary tech class again, even though I am still doing my practicum. This will delay my graduation one semester, but, hey, i've waited this long to get that degree.)

Hysterectomy

2009-10-03T16:09:00.002-04:00

I debated with myself about writing about this, but since this blog is ostensibly about my mid-life victories and trials, it seems appropriate.

A few days ago, I had a Total Abdominal Hysterectomy/Bilateral Salpingo Oopherectomy (TAH/BSO), which basically means that entire diagram/illustration you saw in your high school biology book is gone. (Well, not that diagram/illustration; just my stuff.) Apparently this sends me into surgical menopause. I have a handy-dandy little bag of patches I can use should this start to give me any trouble.

This did not come as a total surprise. (Somewhat) less invasive means of dealing with my issues had been tried. I don't want to go into big details right now, but mostly I agreed with this to make sure I did not have ovarian cancer (I did not, for which I am so thankful.) If you don't know, ovarian cancer remains a difficult cancer to diagnose in its early stages, so even though the possible markers were slight and subtle, I did not want to wait on this. There were other issues (the ones we tried to deal with before) that were increasingly interfering with my life as well, although they never got to the point they have with some other women, who are made quite miserable with these problems.

I feel very positive about having done this. I am aware of the statistics surrounding this surgery...a very high number of American women have this surgery and some people feel too often. However, every woman I talked to felt positive about having done this (some to the point of glee, I think.)

It helps that I'm almost 50, so this was not traumatic in a way it might be for some younger women. When I found out I would be having this surgery, I Googled and found a wonderful Web site called HysterSisters. It gives information and offers an online support group. It is enlightening to see the varieties of hysterectomy and the reasons women have them.

My surgery had to be the old-fashioned kind, with a vertical incision. (I already have a "bikini" scar [yeah, right] from my Cesarean section when my son was born.) However, nowadays there are a lot more options for hysterectomy surgery if you are able to use them.

It was not as bad as I thought it would be. I was kept as pain-free as possible, and my nurses and docs were very attentive. (Everyone appeared to be about 12 years old, though, especially the med student who had been at my surgery and came in to talk to me.) I had a semi-private room which was a tad claustrophobic, but I liked my roomie. She had surgery the day before me, but she was having some issues. The biggest discomfort, then and now, was trying to get in a comfortable position, both because of the surgery and because there are staples in me.

I got to stay in the hospital for two nights, which is just about right. After that, it becomes intolerably noisy and depressing. I got to order my meals from a "room service" menu. My roommate, who was having trouble with food, was always asking me to tell her what I had enjoyed. (Bad: Scrambled eggs; Good: Grilled cheese and tomato soup. The apple spice muffin was not too bad. The salad was mediocre.)

Now my husband is taking amazing care of me, and I am getting very spoiled. I get meals in bed, propped pillows, and pretty much anything I ask for. Nevertheless, I am looking forward to being comfortable (without the aid of medicine) again.

We Will Not Be Who We Were Part 2

2009-07-11T18:18:00.001-04:00

As the auto industry reorganizes in my state and elsewhere, other places and pursuits fall with the factories. I am not employed in the auto industry, but my husband was before he retired, as were (and are) many relatives and friends. I am employed at a community college that I was proud of before I was ever an employee there. I am a strong believer in the community college mission: a well-run community college is a great equalizer, giver of second chances, and picker-up of slack in the system. It is also a trainer of first responders.

When I am walking on our pretty little urban campus and I see future EMTs rehearsing emergencies or nursing students discussing their assignments or field work as they stand in a lunch line, I think about how these are the people who might be the ones to save my life if necessary before I ever see a doctor. I took the Legal Assistant program at the college myself and met lots of very sharp people either already involved in law and some who were trying to make their Bachelor’s degrees more marketable. I didn’t see so many of the people who were being trained for a more high-tech auto industry because that was located on a new campus on the other side of town close to the new factory.

I was very proud to be doing what I do as well. It is a bit tricky to discuss one’s current employer in a public forum, but here is why I feel compelled to write about this: I am the kind of person who needs to process losing the old thing before I can commit myself to the new thing…so here’s what happened. Because a community college obviously depends on public funds, and because the economy here has been bad for some time and no one is predicting a quick recovery here, there were a number of job losses (retirements, layoffs, non-replacement of people in vacant positions). Several departments were reorganized or eliminated, including ours.

I was part of a lovely department called International Programs. That eventually merged with our Multicultural Programs, and we had several Study Abroad Programs designed to enhance our curricula and to serve our students (who because of their nature or circumstances are very budget-minded.) We also hosted folks visiting from other countries a few times a year, and one year I got to be a part of that, teaching a little English/American Culture class and hosting a couple visitors. Mostly what I did and do though, is teach English to students who are preparing for academic programs in the United States. Now the department is gone, but I guess I should be thankful that our group was assigned to another department.

We will lose our workspace, which I have since discovered, shared and cramped as it sometimes felt, it was actually quite luxurious compared to other adjunct workspaces. We had places that we sort of adopted that became “ours” (you knew which desk to find someone at on certain days of the week. My de facto deskmate and I are friends, somewhat equally messy and tolerant of each other, and now that will be gone. We will be assigned workspace and work time, and will have a drawer to store our stuff. (After eight years there, I think I will need some serious space at home to store the stuff I have accumulated).

Because our students meet at the same time, many members of our department are close and we do a lot of informal collaboration. Many of us have strong friendships outside of work as well, but seeing each other at work in spite of busy lives at home helped sustain those relationships during big life changes. And I was part of someone’s dream: my original boss (now retired) created this program many years ago, and it was quite remarkable. He is from Korea, and once received a medal from the Emperor of Japan for improving Korean-Japanese relations. I think those of us who worked for him always felt we were part of something very special, like in our own little contributions, we were promoting World Peace or something like that. It was much more to us than a part-time job to help pay the bills.

Now we have been made part of another department. I like our new boss very much, and where we are centered is pleasant enough. Now, though, it feels as if we ESL faculty have no “home.” There is no place to build our little work nest.

And finally, though we will have international students, and they might have more of a chance to interact with domestic students, it seems like there will be fewer opportunities for our domestic students to have international opportunities. There will be a liaison with the nearby university for Study Abroad, but our programs were geared for our students.

I will be positive eventually, and my friends all love what we do and we will make it work. But, as in Part 1, we will not be who we were, and that just feels sad right now.

We Will Not Be Who We Were Part 1 (And yes, there will be a Part 2 this time)

2009-07-11T10:51:00.001-04:00

First of all, in the overall scheme of things, I probably have no right to complain. There is still plenty to eat, the bills are getting paid, and there is some money for fun. My community has lost factories and jobs, but has a shiny new one and a still-standing older one. We still produce vehicles that sell here, and will have another model. However, when I start paying for my own vision and dental care, and perhaps mammograms or however the overall insurance aspect plays out, there will be less of that discretionary income, and that’s the point where others start going down with us, I guess.

The hard thing is this: people don’t understand Who We Are, and the media has tried to convey this, but not very well, because they choose mostly folks who fit their Central Casting stereotypes: Clueless High-Level Auto Executive and Salt-of-the Earth Union Family (3 generations), for example. Of course, those folks exist, but there are so many others. An auto plant is like a little city: there are line folks, people who sweep the floors, carpenters, millwrights, plumbers, electricians and various departments such as paint, trim, body, and so on. My husband had various positions throughout his career, starting on the line and ending as a planner and getting to work overseas.

What I learned over the years is all of these are complex operations. I also met a lot of people (or heard about a lot of people and personalities). There are, for instance, college graduates who worked on the line or in skilled trades because the money was good. I have met some very smart, funny, clever people in the industry over the years, and I did not see these people on TV. I have met folks who are passionate about cars (perhaps with an old beloved model in their garage that they love to tinker with) and loved being in the auto industry. I did not see those people, or if they were on TV, certainly not with the frequency and emphasis of the others I mentioned.

What I did like about the three-generation family is what they conveyed-- this is what we do here. Grandpa did it, Dad or Mom did it, and I was hoping to do it too. The majority of people I have known in my life work or are supported directly or indirectly by the auto industry. Even though I have never worked for it (but am fed by it), I consider it part of Who I Am. This is what we do here.

I will certainly admit there were some problems, but stereotypes and prejudices exacerbated some of those problems. When service awards were being won and models were winning awards and receiving high ratings, we weren’t hearing so much about that. Because my stepson was involved in the launch of one of those award-winning vehicles, I am somewhat aware of the blood, sweat and tears that go into making that happen.

I have been reading Barbara Kingsolver’s book Animal, Vegetable, Miracle, and found myself astounded to be sympathetic to a passage in which she remembers a college party (“one of those intensely conversational gatherings of the utterly enlightened”) at which people were discussing the “evils of tobacco.” She asked: “What about the tobacco farmers?” (This had been her family’s livelihood) Somebody asked: “Why should I care about tobacco farmers?” I would not have understood at all a year ago, but now I know what she means when she writes:

I’m still struggling to answer that. Yes, I do know people who have died
wishing they had never seen a cigarette. Yes, it’s a plant that causes cancer
after a long line of people (postfarmer) have specifically altered and abused
it. And yes, it takes chemicals to keep blue mold off the crop. And it sends
people to college. It makes house payments, buys shoes, and pays doctor bills.
it allows people to live with their families and shake hands with their neighbors
in one of the greenest, kindest places in all the world.

Now I am the last person on earth who will defend tobacco. However, what she captures in this and subsequent paragraphs is that when we gleefully celebrate the demise of something like tobacco (or logging, or the auto industry or whatever), there are more than evil Snidely Whiplash corporate executives finally getting their comeuppance and the deliverance of their clueless pawns. There is the loss of a way of life, not only financially, but of having a way to think of ourselves and What We Do. And it hurts.

My Unsettling Junior Boomer Kind of Day

2009-06-25T20:26:00.004-04:00

First of all, I must explain that I have never identified too much with the Baby Boomer label, even though I was born in the time period that covers. The older members of that demo had the VietNam War to contend with as well as the massive culture shift. By the time I reached my formative teen years and young adulthood, there were just not the same issues. I also graduated from college as a recession was ending and the Senior Boomers already had most of the jobs. However, I have two Senior Boomer siblings and a spouse, which often makes me feel younger than I actually am.

So...my morning started with my radio alarm going off. I had forgotten I had set it to a classic rock station. So I vaguely hear..."first live recording in 1967...during...the Beatles All You Need is Love...with Mick Jagger and Donovan among the members of the chorus..." Blah blah blah, I'm still half asleep. Then I hear something like..."This classic rock moment has been brought to you by the Burcham Hills Retirement Center." Boom! I'm awake, thinking "That's the wrong commercial for this demographic." I used to visit an elderly lady from my churh at Burcham Hills (which also has an assisted living center.) And then I realize, "Oh my gosh. It's not. It's exactly right. My husband is retired."

Then after returning to work after lunch (I had come home to feed the dog and let him out) I heard that Farrah Fawcett had died as I was parking my car. I sat in the car and listened to the story.. As I got out of the car, tears just inexplicably started rolling down my face. I was not a fan of Charlie's Angels...not my kind of thing, plus it was known as a "jiggle" show and I was developing my feminist sensibilities, such as they are, at that time. However, I always thought she was beautiful and had amazing hair even in the magazine shampoo ads in which I first noticed her (pre-Angels.) I also thought she did great work in The Burning Bed, which I paid special attention to because it involved people in a town near where I lived at that point...the case was frequently discussed in the local media. (It was a good movie, but I always wondered why the Michigan people had Texas accents. Most Michigan accents are more like Chicago-lite or Canada-lite or Sarah Palin-lite, depending on the combination of where you live and your parents are from.)

I was thinking about how in my college dorm so many of the young men had that Farrah poster in their rooms. Seriously, it was everywhere. I had to stop in the rest room and collect myself before I went to teach my class; I did not know why this was affecting me so.

And then later as I was reading something on AOL, in the more often than not extremely stupid comments, someone said something about Michael Jackson being dead. I thought it was a Mikey pop-rocks, Wikipedia false info planting kind of thing, then the local news said "TMZ is reporting..." (And I thought "Really? TMZ?") and then finally, Brian Williams was saying it.

I have two Michaels in my memory: Michael, the boy my age with pictures in Tiger Beat magazine who sang with his brothers, then Thriller Michael whose video "world premiere" I watched with my husband and stepkids before I became a mother myself. The much later Michael was definitely disturbing but I always wondered why no one seemed to be helping this clearly troubled man who pretty much had his childhood stolen from him.

I feel sad and old today.

Tad

2009-06-20T08:12:00.003-04:00

I don't remember when I started wanting a dog. I know it was some time after my cat died because while I missed my kitty a lot, I sort of enjoyed being pet-free for a while. However,once I started campaigning for a dog, my husband wasn't quite ready. He likes dogs, and had one when he was younger. I had them as well. We tried having two dogs when my son was very young, but neither of those worked out. There was a beagle who liked to run all the time and was always burrowing under the fence and escaping. We sold him. Then there was a German Shepherd, a gift to my son, and he chewed up everything...carpets, remote controls, you name it. When we put him outside he would bark incessantly. I'm sorry to say we "surrendered" him. If we knew now what we knew then, we probably would have been able to work with him effectively.

I think the thing that intensified my wanting a dog and led to my husband's agreeing to it was watching The Dog Whisperer on the National Geographic channel. If you have never seen it, it features a man named Cesar Millan who works with problem dogs. He is amazing with dogs, and has a very compelling story of his own. My husband started to say we could perhaps get a dog once he retired, then as that grew closer, that maybe we should wait until a year after he retired to see what our life was like. Then, this past year, he said we could perhaps get a dog in the spring.

The dog we ended up with was completely different from my fantasy dog. I thought I'd like a little bichon frise that I could pamper and dress in silly dog clothes and let sit on my lap. I was going to buy one of these from a reputable breeder at some point, but I have two friends at work who are dog lovers. One gently and persistently scolded and made me feel incredibly guilty for thinking about buying a dog, encouraging breeding, when so many dogs in shelters needed to be adopted. (She and her husband have had three rescue sheepdogs.) Another friend has a second job at the local Humane Society, and often talked about the little friends she fosters to save them from being euthanized.

I started looking for bichon frises on rescue sites. They were available, but often had some kind of big problem or weren't good with children. I learned though, that Petsmart had an adoption event the first weekend in May (this is a nationwide event that takes place at lots of pet supply stores, shelters, etc.) I had my husband pull in at a Petsmart when we were on the yuppie side of town buying wine, and Tad was the first dog we saw. We played with him for a while and liked him a lot. He was no bichon frise, though. He is a Chesapeake Bay Retriever mix (another part of the mix, being dachsund, we were told). My husband thought we should look around some more, including at the Petsmart on our side of town. I agreed, but couldn't stop thinking about Tad. We looked at other dogs, but I just really felt that Tad was our dog. It almost looked like it wasn't going to happen, but by the next Wednesday, he was home with us.

Happily putting off the inevitable

2009-05-20T10:34:00.004-04:00

I decided to drop the Client-Based Website Development class for the summer and take it in the fall instead. Even though I will now have to take it at the same time I'm doing my practicum, I am absolutely convinced I made the correct decision. I will have a much better idea of what to expect (particularly that first week); I have the textbook, so I can preview. I have a set of DVD's which explain the program we were going to use. Even if they change a few things, I will have a chance to familiarize myself with concepts.

One of the things I found intimidating was the amount of work and the speed at which it was expected to be completed. At the same time, there was an expectation stated that we were to do everything possible to find our own solutions (in the lectures, videos, readings, of course) and do some research on our own. It became clear that, for me, this class was going to be a full-time summer job.

I kept looking at my pool as my husband opened it, the neighborhood parks to which I have been taking my new dog Tad (more about him in another post), and some of the lovely days we have been enjoying lately. I decided I had no desire whatsoever to spend my summer chained to my laptop. Summer is short, and even shorter where I live. My job will start up again in a couple weeks, but now I will have some time to enjoy the down time. I can also spend some time to set my life up to accommodate the enormous workload I am anticipating in the fall.

Things that agitate me #1

2009-03-23T12:14:00.002-04:00

Perhaps it's because I just got home from vacation last week just to start fighting a nasty cold, but there is much that is on my nerves lately. The first thing is something that has always annoyed me, but is particularly unbearable now. I know it's really silly, and maybe I unknowingly do it myself, but I really hate when people say "Look" in a conversation or when they explain something on TV. It's sexist, I know, but I particularly hate when men do it. It seems needlessly aggressive. I feel like in their heads, they are immediate following it with "moron" or "a#*!ole."I just want to shout back, "No! You Look!" I'm not saying this is sane or anything. It just is.

Another thing is when people (again, especially, but not exclusively, men) gesture with their index finger. I had a student do that to me recently who was challenging me on when I had said something was due. I was willing to concede he might be right, but then all I could see was that finger pointing at me, filling me with white hot rage. Fortunately, I'm pretty-self aware and can keep fairly calm, and just asked him to please not do that. I also think it might be that he is from a culture which, fairly or unfairly, is not considered particularly woman-friendly. However, this student has always been respectful to me, and felt bad that he offended me, and I felt bad I had not waited until after class to say something. I tried to explain in class that this is not necessarily an American thing but more of a Mary thing. And again, I'm not sure if I do it too sometimes.

I think it would be helpful if there was some way I could get in people's heads and see what their intentions are...or get inside my own and see why these things are so bothersome.

Recovering from vacation (or a virus)

2009-03-18T12:37:00.002-04:00

While we were in San Diego, we visited the zoo, of course, and toured an aircraft carrier that is now a museum. Mostly, though, we just relaxed and walked around town a lot, doing things like visiting farmers' markets. Hubby and I were on the same page about what we wanted from the vacation (change of scenery, do what we want, when we want, if we want) and that always makes it nicer.

It is nice to be home, but I'm dizzy and I don't know why...several theories--jet lag, Dramamine withdrawal, perimenopause (sorry), or something going around the area...a Facebook friend has been reporting three days of head-spinning on her status, so maybe it's some kind of bug. I wish it would stop, though, because I'm having trouble with any activity that involves standing up, and I need to do things to get ready to go back to work.

Vacation day 1

2009-03-11T22:16:00.003-04:00

Last year, we used some of the frequent flyer miles my husband had gathered while working overseas to go to Austin, Texas. A friend of mine had gone there for South by Southwest a year before we went and it just sounded like a great place. (We went the week before S X SW when we went, but there were still all kinds of fun things going on.) Since Ron was, by this time, retired, and I was on spring break, when they asked for people to volunteer to be bumped, we waited for a good offer. We were in no particular hurry, after all, and got vouchers for a round-trip flight anywhere in the contiguous 48. We tried to think of someplace warm(ish) to go this year and that would be expensive on our own.

We arrived in San Diego last night. (Neither of us have ever been in this city before.) We have a great hotel room on the 12th floor, right across from San Diego Bay. This morning, while we were sitting out on the balcony, my husband spotted a whale in the bay. Later, we went out on one of those excursion boats to watch whales, where we saw three (well, mostly their tails.) We also spent some time watching the "wayward" one.

When we got home, we looked out the window and saw a lot of people gathered on the Embarcadero in the vicinity of where we saw the whale. There were also two news trucks, so we turned on the local news and they were talking about it.

So far, this seems to have been a good choice.

Kid Books

2009-02-21T12:28:00.002-05:00

I'm having lots of fun reading books for my "tween" and YA Lit classes, but it's more time consuming than I would have guessed. I'm a little bit more willing to read Fantasy and Science Fiction now, but I've discovered (by reading reviews of some things I have enjoyed) I might not have the best taste in it. I am being kind to myself and assuming that's because I am not as familiar with the genre as those who love it, so am still learning its conventions, much like children will read formula fiction as they become comfortable with understanding how a novel is constructed. (This is a Thing I Learned.This should probably be a Thing I Know, but teachers of reading have a somewhat different approach to reading than librarians...another Thing I Learned.)

Nevertheless, I am looking forward to when I can read more Books for Grownups, although I think some of the YA stuff can be such a thing, just marketed specifically. More about that another time.

Mrs. Wiggs

2009-01-17T13:03:00.002-05:00

The first assignment for my tween lit class (4th to 8th grade) was to read a childhood favorite. The first one that came to mind was Mrs. Wiggs of the Cabbage Patch, which I read numerous times when I was a kid. After my stepdad died in 2002 and I was staying with my sister while we were preparing to go to his funeral, I discovered that my niece (then 31) still had the book in her room, and in fact had been reading it, and I think she had also read it several times when she was younger. She got it for me; it was quite dilapidated, with some pages falling out. I think it was something my mom might have picked up in a bargain bin, perhaps having been one of her childhood favorites (It was originally published in 1901). At any rate, everybody in my household (my mom, sister, niece and I all lived together until I left for college) has fond memories of this book.

I discovered it had been digitized on Google Books, so I read it there for the assignment, and I was both delighted and disturbed. The narration is pretty clever and witty sometimes, and I now have more understanding of the references (e.g. the chapter entitled "The Annexation of Cuby" which escaped me in childhood). Mrs. Wiggs has a positive attitude similar to the one my mom tried to project in difficult times, and that really is reassuring when you are a kid.

The disturbing part was that I had forgotten there were about half a dozen racial or ethnic slurs or stereotypes (including The Big One at one point in Mrs. Wiggs' dialogue). I can't remember if it appeared in the edition I had, and if it did, I would have mulled that over. It is a book of its time and place, and it probably would have been authentic for Mrs. Wiggs to say it, although Mrs. Wiggs makes a lot of linguistic miscues; I believe it would have been out of ignorance rather than hostility on the part of her character.

I started feeling kind of guilty for liking this book, and started looking around for more information. There was a paperback edition published in 2004, and a copy is available at Michigan State University. It appears to be beloved by those who are familiar with it, although the person who writes the preface in the 2004 edition (the part that's available to read for free online) acknowledges problems, such as a sometimes patronizing attitude towards poor people.

I have to give a booktalk about this, and I'm trying to think about how to approach it. There is much to recommend it (being aware of others, service, interdependence). Obviously there are people besides me who think it is worthwhile to keep it circulating. Although I loved it as a tween, it was not really originally intended as that kind of book. While certainly no Huck Finn, is that the kind of approach to take in a booktalk? To say, look, this is how it was in that time in that place. And, of course, unlike Huck Finn, I don't think the intention is to satirize that behavior. That's not good, but there you go. And sometimes, if you protect kids from that, they don't understand Now.

The areas of my concern are not really a major part of that book, but as a young student, particularly a member of one of the slurred or stereotyped groups, I might perceive them as major. At the same time, it's a very sweet and funny book, even if somewhat melodramatic and old-fashioned by today's standards.

Working on a fresh year

2009-01-08T09:26:00.004-05:00

Winter break is winding down and next week it will be time to get back to work teaching, as well as taking my own classes. I'm excited and not excited at the same time. As far as work goes, I think I'm coming to a time in which I will have to think differently about it one way or the other. I like my work PLACE, and I like my students. However, I have been doing pretty much the same thing for almost eight years now, with variations here or there as time, circumstances, and class dynamics permit. There is a lot of pressure to stuff down a lot of info in a short amount of time, and that, for me, is not conducive to a lot of creativity. Maybe, though, this malaise will inspire me to solve that problem.

Relationships are also different. One thing I have always enjoyed about my job is the collegiality and friendship. Peoples lives have changed quite bit in the past few years, though, with the births of children, marriages, and so on, so the time people can spend together has been affected. Also, underlying conflicts between some people have become more pronounced, making socializing more awkward in certain circumstances. It still happens, but less often, and between fewer people. There has been a change in leadership in the past few years, and two programs have merged, and like most workplaces nowadays, people are doing "more with less." I can't help but think that has also affected the social dynamic.

I'm excited about the classes I'm taking, particularly since I have one online and one face-to-face (which hopefully won't get canceled due to too few participants). That's my favorite combo because I enjoy that there is a certain degree of autonomy in the online classes (even though there are still due dates and such), but I still get the social aspect of the face-to-face classes. The class I'm particularly excited about is the YA literature class because I will get to read books I like to read ...usually, except for some weeks which will not be my favorite genres. I know this is heresy in the online world, but I'm not a big fan of science fiction or fantasy, although I think if I can consume it in graphic novel form (another week's requirements) I will enjoy it more.

I remember feeling so excited two years ago when I started the program. I knew I would take more than two years to finish because the plan was to take one or two classes per semester, including summers. It will probably take me one more semester than I planned because of availability of local or online classes. This program has on-campus, satellite, and online classes, and there have been experiments and changes with that since I started. I'm at the point where people I started with have graduated, even though I noticed one or two familiar names on the face-to-face class roster. Like at work, I'm feeling a little leftover and stale.

I know it is up to me to take steps to freshen things up. I'm just not quite sure how to go about it yet. I'm thinking new shoes will help. New shoes fix everything.

2009-01-02T11:49:00.002-05:00

Again, it's almost noon, and I am still in PJs. It's the second of January, and time to start transitioning back to "real life." I have this very weird relationship with the Christmas season. It's a lot of work, and frequently makes me cranky and mean. Then in between and immediately after the holidays, I enter a state of extreme laziness involving staying in my pajamas and reading for hours. But it's still fun, and I love it, and wouldn't have it any other way. (Well, I would have fewer mean and cranky spells.)

Stuff I got for Christmas: My big surprise from my hubby was a new iPod Nano (pink!) to replace the one he got me two years ago, which I then misplaced or lost a year or so later while he was gone...then a bunch of stuff that was on my request list. I got new PJs, cuddly soft ones I'm wearing as I type, matching booty slippers, the novel The Hour I First Believed by Wally Lamb, the soundtrack from the film Cadillac Records (have not seen the film yet, but wanted the music), a ladies-who-lunch purse from my stepson and his wife (it's a summer purse, and I'm going to buy a Jackie Kennedy kind of sheath dress and two-tone pumps to match when the time comes to use it, for it is that kind of bag) and also a fancy bracelet/watch from them, Starbucks & retsaurant gift certificates from another stepson & wife, beautiful gold grosgrain ribbon/quilted pillows to match my bedroom that my stepdaughter made for my husband and me, and a bunch of other nice, fun, and/or useful stuff.

I love presents, both getting and giving them, and must constantly head off the forces that want to inappropriately (in my view) alter or eliminate this custom. Spending limits are fine, and even reducing the complexity and expense by name-drawing, etc. When you search for or make a present for someone, though, you have to think about them, what they're doing now, what they like, who they are at this point in their life, and that's why it feels bad when I discover I have given them the wrong thing. But when it's the right thing, and they appear delighted, there is no better feeling.

I have also observed that when the present exchanging falls off, so does the making a point of connecting during the holidays. In my family of origin, we have a post-Christmas get-together among siblings, nieces, nephews, etc. The exhanges are mostly modest ones, but still fondly anticipated. I think we all know most of the items are purchased at deep, post-Christmas discounts, and that's actually part of the fun.

Now, though, Ron has started putting away Christmas things, and I must get dressed and become involved in this because I like it done a certain way (until I get tired, and then it's just random).

Buche de Noel (Yule Log)

2008-12-09T09:33:00.003-05:00

I have decided to start a new tradition. Every year, during the winter holiday season, I'm going to print one recipe on this blog from my Christmas repertoire. These are not original recipes, but they have become traditions at my Christmas Eve celebration. I printed one recipe before, Gascony Beef Stew. While I shared that in the spring, it is one of my Christmas recipes.

The Buche de Noel has sort of become "my thing" that I also take to work celebrations and sometimes other parties. Like the beef stew, it is from an early 1980's Christmas edition of Ladies' Home Journal which had a feature about a French holiday buffet. I believe I made almost all of the recipes in that article for the first Christmas Eve I ever hosted. This cake seems to be a favorite of everyone, so I believe I have made at least one (and usually more) every holiday season for the past 27 years.

Cake:
1/2 c. + 2 T. all-purpose flour
3/4 t. baking powder
1/2 t. salt
4 eggs, separated, at room temperature
2 T warm water
3/4 c. sugar, divided
1 t vanilla extract
2 teaspoons confectioner's sugar

Filling:
1 package (regular size) instant vanilla pudding (French vanilla is nice)
1 c. milk
1/2 c. heavy or whipping cream, whipped

Chocolate icing:
1 1/2 bars sweet baking chocolate
3 T. cold water
3 T. butter
1 t. vanilla extract

Cake: Preheat oven to 400 F. Line 15 1/2 x 10 1/2 jelly-roll pan with wax paper; grease paper. Sift baking powder with flour and salt. Set aside.

In large mixer bowl, beat egg yolks and water until doubled in volume and lemon-colored, about 2 minutes. Gradually add 1/2 c. sugar and continue beating until thick. On low speed mix in vanilla and flour mixture, beating just until smooth. In small mixer bowl whip egg whites until soft peaks form. Gradually add remaining 1/4 c. sugar, a tablespoon at a time, and beat until mixture stands in shiny peaks. Fold 1/2 cup beaten egg whites into egg yolk mixture with wooden spoon or rubber spatula until thoroughly combined. Gently fold in remaining egg whites. Spread batter evenly in prepared pan.

Bake on center rack 8 to 10 minutes or until cake springs back when lightly pressed with fingers. Loosen edges and turn out onto towel or waxed paper sprinkled with confectioner's sugar. Immediately peel off wax paper from bottom of cake and trim edges (I actually stopped trimming the edges after several years...more cake!) Whi; cool on wire rack.le hot, starting with long side, roll cake up in towel or wax paper in jelly roll fashion. Cool on wire rack

Filling: In medium bowl combine instant pudding and milk. Beat on low speed 1 minute. Fold in whipped cream. Refrigerate until ready to use.

Chocolate icing: In top of double-boiler (I just use a stainless steel bowl placed on top of a pan of simmering [not boiling] water), melt chocolate with water. Stir until smooth. Remove from heat: add butter and vanilla and stir until butter is melted and icing is smooth. let cool to room temperature, or if using immediately, stir over a bowl of ice.

To assemble: Unroll cooled cake and spread with cream filling. Reroll. Trim ends diagonally. Use one trimming to form a little stump on top of the log (this is how it's traditionally done, but if I'm making these for a lot of people, I just keep it in a long roll in order to provide more uniform, and simply more, servings). Spread icing over log and stump. Score icing with tines of fork to simulate bark.

If you want to be very traditional, you will garnish this with meringue mushrooms, but I gave that up after Year One. I generally use something to simulate snow: coconut or piped white icing around the border (the frosting gets kind of messy so you might want to camouflage the edges of your dish.) Also, I sometimes freehand some piped-icing snowflakes on the top. So far this year I have used coconut, marshmallows, and some snowflake-shaped sprinkles. Do what you want as well, but know this is probably Yule Log heresy.

Finishing stuff up, starting new stuff

2008-11-30T11:29:00.003-05:00

I finally have my Web page more or less done. We have another assignment due Friday that we have to add a link to. As much as I moaned and whined, I'm glad I had to do this, and I'm glad I had to write my own HTML, as primitive as mine is. Although I'm pretty sure I'll only do it like this when I'm absolutely required to (for there is one more class like this I have to take, only harder, I'm guessing), I feel proud and happy that I (sort of) understand what it is. Yay for Web publishing software, however, regardless of how evil my instructor thinks some of it is.

I also feel like I could read a book about this and understand it (at least if it is written at a fairly beginning level) and I would also be able to understand what to be careful of.

It felt good this past weekend to take a break from all of that and enjoy Thanksgiving. The next two weeks are going to be a marathon of finishing things up at the same time that I start (or really continue) getting things ready for Christmas.

Today I have to write two tests that I'm giving tomorrow. I also have to study for one of my certification exams that I'm re-taking on Tuesday. On Friday, I have a database assignment due (as a link to my Web site) by midnight, and I also have the party we have every year for our students Friday night, for which I will prepare a Yule log (Oh, sorry--an "end-of-semester" log.) Oh, yeah, I also have a job interview on Thursday (for a job in addition to, not in place of, the one I have now.) It is also the week of my husband's birthday.

Then the next week, I will have to prepare and grade finals, have a rough draft of an exit test done and turned in, and a short paper about how two pieces of technology actually work.

Then I can truly start getting stressed about Christmas (but I really actually enjoy the stressfulness of it, in a very weird kind of way). Then after Christmas, I will spend hours on the couch reading for fun and watching as many movies as I want until my schools start again. Unless, of course, I get that job, depending on when it starts. At least I am rarely bored.

The seemingly never-ending saga of my first html assignment

2008-11-10T19:19:00.003-05:00

OK, so I'm whining again, but with the purchasing project, it actually helped me clear my head and do it. I guess this is becoming like one of those reflection journals we often make students keep.

I can sort of write the html, and I feel like I'm writing the CSS, but it won't work. I have been having much more luck with the links on my html resume, but that has to be a link on the original index page. When I upload my index page to FileZilla, I think it's supposed to be on the top, but one of my assignments that I'm supposed to link to always goes over it.

I think I might see if I can get some CSS to work on my resume, then figure out what I did and try to make it happen on the index page.

I keep getting that "why do I have to know this" and "I'm never going to use this attitude" which is very unattractive on a woman my age. Although...I do remember when I was taking another class they let me take at my workplace in order to waive another, when I was using Front Page a young man in the computer lab who was helping me just had me go in and adjust the code when I wanted to change the size of something rather than dink around on the page itself. That was impressive. I guess that's why they make us learn this.

I do think it's kind of cool that people examine this stuff and have standards to make it future-proof and accessible. That kind of thing I enjoy learning. I actually thought this would be fun until I started doing it and was so frustrated. I do not tolerate this kind of frustration well.

I should not be taking this kind of class online, but they put ALL the tech classes online, exclusively, from now on, at least as I understand it. I told my husband the problem is I don't have any other class as I did last time I had an online class. Having a face-to-face class gave me people to commisserate with, and an electronic discussion board just doesn't lend itself to my world-class ability to feel sorry for myself. I need a human who is as horrible as me at this. This is the kind of thing one does not want exposed on the discussion board.

Anyway, back to work.

Update

2008-11-01T18:56:00.003-04:00

I am happy to report that I got a 90 on the assignment I was whining about in my previous post and would have gotten 100 had it not been handed in 5 days late. However, I don't know how I can turn in my now very overdue HTML assignment because it has to be a Web page in progress (final page due later) with one working link and some style (no using Front Page or similar programs, just writing our own HTML/CSS.) I have words on it, but I can't make my photo work and I don't have any style. My professor said there is a typo in my CSS, but didn't tell me what it was, and I can't find it.

I did send an e-mail to the TA to tell her I am working on it and gave her the link to the EXTREMELY minimal material I have.

I bought a book to help me, so hopefully that will be useful. I am happy to report that I now know what that stuff on the top of my posting area means. Maybe someday I'll use it.

This is not what I am supposed to be doing

2008-10-21T19:07:00.002-04:00

I am supposed to be writing a paper (more of a project, really) that was due Friday at midnight. I can still turn it in, but I have been losing two points per day. The problem is, I don't really have any idea what I'm doing, and I know I should turn in something, but I feel like when I turn it in, it will become clear that I have very little idea of what much the first third of the class was about.

I have some writing and justification done, and it's not bad. I can write about stuff in a general, conceptual way. However, I have to have specifications, and justify each of those specifications. That is where I'm having trouble.

I didn't really blow off the paper last week. I had some physical issues, each one of them not particularly serious in itself, but one piled on top of another in a way that resulted in constant discomfort relieved by medication, and medication does not enhance the process of doing a project about stuff you don't really understand. On top of that, because of the unusual scheduling of the program in which I work, one session ended and another one started the very next day. Last week then, while I was sick, if that's what you could call it, I had to deal with giving finals, grading papers, calculating grades, etc.

I will do it, because my professor and my supervisor and my husband told me I should, but I hate, hate, hate this. I like to think of myself as a lifelong learner, but this project is making me feel punished, which is kind of weird.

I think this class, which I put off taking like I was supposed to do early in the program, has since become kind of a "weeding" class, and I have too much invested to allow that to happen. I believe I can do most of what is required in this class (although not with the success I have had in previous classes), but this particular project has become a real stumbling block. I think I should just consider it a typing/spreadsheet exercise, do the best with the content I can, and cull whatever points I can out of it. Some points are always better than no points.

My 100th post! (A training-by-technology rant)

2008-09-25T07:40:00.005-04:00

According to the numbers posted on my Dashboard, this will be my 100th post. Considering that I started my blog just a little over four years ago, that means I average about 25 posts per year. While not exactly prolific, I'm not sure that the world needs to read much more than that from me, at least not in this format.

What compels me to write today is bad videos (and audio) that people create for training purposes. I am now on my second online class, and I have stated before, I really enjoy taking classes this way. While many (but not all) people (in most aspects of life, not just this) seem to be getting more competent with presentation software in terms of design, readability, and so forth, I wish people could be prepared more carefully to make video presentations that are not so painful, and sometimes pointless, to watch.

The worst problem with some of them are that they are incomprehensible. Some people speak so quietly (especially in videos that feature multiple speakers) that you can't hear them. Some people drift off mid-sentence while they are trying to explain something to you. (I am guilty of this in life, and even sometimes when I teach), but I would be more careful in a video because unless it's in real-time and specifically set up for it, there is no opportunity for interaction.

Some people speak so quickly (and this is a problem out in the world too that I will write about in the future) that one can't comprehend sentence one before they have moved on to sentence four, which is very bad in an instructional video. They don't seem to understand that they are giving people new information (or at least they should be) and there needs to be time for it to sink in...at least a few seconds.

I just watched two videos in which a a soon-to-graduate, very competent MLIS student,explains technology concepts for a student orientation. As she explained the differences between computer operating systems, I had to slow down the first video in order to grasp anything she was saying (creating the effect that speaker was drunk or otherwise chemically impaired). In the next one, explaining Mac features, she drifted off in the middle of at least a quarter of her sentences and sprinkled the presentation liberally with "like" and "you know" (particularly before she would cut off a sentence, never to return.) No, I don't know; that's why I'm watching the video.

Another one I watched, just out of curiosity, was faculty introductions. Faculty stepped up one-by-one in front of a green chalkboard, looking very much like they were about to have a mugshot taken. Several of them had that deer-in-the-headlights look. One was completely inaudible. Some spoke in comprehensible sentences but were very stiff. I'm pleased to say the most animated speaker was the professor I have now, but I may be prejudiced. Even though I have never met her, she conveys warmth and affability onscreen, even though she's kind of goofy (in a fun way, making her pleasant to watch).

That leads me to the next thing, though. In our current lesson (Excel spreadsheets, which give me fits) she is telling us what to do, and ostensibly showing us. However, I can't see what she's doing. It's very difficult to comprehend visually. I thought it was just me, but several people posted to the discussion board and mentioned it.

In live presentations like the one with the Mac lady, speakers sometimes ask for questions from the audience. Apparently not realizing the questions are inaudible to the video audience, many speakers do not bother to repeat the question before they start answering it. They should be doing this anyway for their live audience.

I'm not posting this just to be bitchy, but it's a problem. There has been a lot of movement to online classes in the program,for a variety of economic reasons, and I benefit from this in many ways. I assume other institutions are moving this way too. If this is going to happen, though, the people who put these together need to familiarize themselves with some basic production values. For example, why not have the faculty sitting at a table in front of a pleasant background, introducing themselves in a very natural way? The live audience could still see them (and the live presentation should be enhanced with some kind of projection). You can't use old-style presentation techniques with new technology. It's painful to watch, at best, and incoherent, at worst.

The usual fall term frustrations

2008-09-04T21:48:00.003-04:00

Classes are now in full swing, both the ones I teach and the ones I take. I agreed to teach a writing class this session after not having taught writing for quite some time. Because it is so time-consuming, most of us in my department tend to burn out on it after several consecutive sessions.

I like to have my students do lots of peer-editing, primarily because I think it benefits the peer editor. I have also been trying to be more conscientious about preparing rubrics so students can both know what is expected of them in their writing, and know what they're looking for when they are peer-editing.

We only have eight weeks, so when my students peer edit, I also edit/proofread their work too so they will have the benefit of whatever expertise I have (I always ask them to bring three copies). However, I have 19-20 students this time (don't ask why I don't know...that is a long and never-ending story, so it is difficult for me to get their rough drafts back to all of them during the same class session. Because of that, this last time I tried to give feedback to those I couldn't in class via e-mail. Because I do not yet know how to have them submit a paper to me electronically which I can then correct electronically, it's twice as much work. I burned out on it after several papers in a row and did not get e-mail back to everybody. However, I tried to get the marked papers back to them via their other teachers (we are a small and specialized department), and was only mildly successful.

I also have some issues with transitional technology. Both at home and at work (and when I take classes at the satellite center here in town for my university) some of the computers still have the 2003 version of Word and some have 2007 (and my desktop has 97, I think). Depending on the computer I'm using, I can not always open up a .docx. In the classes I take, the onus has been on us to put our work in Compatibility mode.(I have 2007 on my laptop at home but not on my desktop because I have lots of quizzes and tests I created using I asked one student to do that I don't remember why he didn't have the rough draft available during class, but when he sent it as a .doc, it opened up as gibberish.

When I told him, he got kind of mad and asked why I didn't download a 2007 reader. That kind of made me mad, and I also wasn't completely sure what he was saying. Because of heavy accentedness, we were having trouble communicating. If he had been one of the students I hadn't gotten feedback to on time I wouldn't have been upset, but he was the one who didn't give me his rough draft on the day it was due. The hard thing to explain is I have to use different computers at work which I share with others, and I tend to be reluctant to download much of anything on them, plus when I take classes, I'm supposed to make sure my work is readable. I had never had problems receiving attachments before when people used the Compatibility feature.

Anyway, then I felt bad and tried to be nice the rest of class. The thing I get frustrated about is I could do a half-baked mediocre job and be very timely, but if I'm going to give them quality feedback, they have to have stuff ready when I need it--and they have to label it properly, and it has to be readable. When I have not been timely, I will give them extra time, but I get very edgy in writing class when students create more complications for me than I already have.

The other complication is that because of some weird scheduling stuff, I'm teaching half-days four days a week instead of full days two days a week, which is the usual process. Not only that, but I started out teaching one writing class but was switched to another when another teacher had a scheduling issue at her other job. I also have decided not to sub in high schools for now as I have done in the past for extra money, because the system has been privatized and it kind of messes up the money which previously went into my state pension fund, which was one of the primary reasons I was doing it before...to build up that tiny, tiny nest egg.

I'm also a bit on edge because I'm taking my required Information Technology class which I have been putting off for some time, and which is now only offered online, AND which now requires taking three certification tests. I'm actually very excited about the class, but at the same time, I'm very nervous about keeping up with the workload and I am somewhat out of my comfort zone. Fortunately, I have loved both the hybrid and online classes I have already taken. I'm just worried about the lack of direct, in-person access to the instructor when I run into problems.

Now that everything has started and/or settled, I will fall into a rhythm by next week, I think, and I hope I will be considerably less frustrated and moody.

Cataloging my stuff

2008-08-19T16:51:00.003-04:00

I don't know if it's some kind of teacher nesting instinct, but as the "official" school year approaches, I get in a very organizational mood. Because this is not something that comes naturally to me most of the year, at least in terms of "stuff," (as opposed to time, schedules, etc.) I have to take advantage of the mood while it is here.

In previous years, this mood has been very focused on my sock drawer. I guess that's because when cool/cold weather comes, I seem to spend an inordinate amount of time looking for a matching pair of socks. Even in the winter, when I like to wear pantyhose for warmth, I still put socks over them to wear under boots.

This year, however, my efforts have been more expansive. It started over break when I started organizing my scrapbook stuff, including photos. Then I started organizing my bathroom stuff because our new, fancy master bath is almost finished, thanks to my husband's dedication and tunnel vision when involved in a project. He is a very good man, but an example of his focus is less than 24 hours after my (minor) surgery, he asked me,

"Hey, can you help me carry in a board?" (i.e. a giant piece of heavy wood).

"No,honey," I replied. "Remember that piece of paper they sent home from the hospital saying no more than 5 pounds?"

"Oh.Yeah." He thought about that for a few seconds, and said, "How long is that gonna last?"

Because I now have a Jacuzzi tub and a steam shower that plays music, he is forgiven these occasional slips. Plus my response was that it would last as long as I could milk it.

Anyway, back to organization. Here is the problem: I get somewhat befuddled when something can be classified in multiple ways. In going through the existing bathroom cabinet, I discovered I have a plethora of bath and shower gels, scented lotions, body butters, etc. I also have accumulated quite a pile of cosmetics, primarily because I go through periods where my use of them is quite minimal.

I divided the cosmetics into plastic bags of lip stuff, eye stuff, skin coloring stuff (foundation, blush, concealer). Then came the compact mirror. That would go into a new bag classified as "tools." That created a new problem...should the lip brush stay in the lip bag, or should that now go into the "tool" category? Same with the eye makeup brushes.

And do scented body lotions go with "stuff that makes my skin soft" or "stuff that makes me smell good"?

I had run into the same problem with scrapbooking stuff. I had long ago made a macro decision that most of my albums would be chronological by year, with special albums created for special events (big trips, milestone anniversaries, etc.) But I decided to organize my photos in boxes by person and person's descendants. The problem I ran into there was representatives of multiple nuclear families in some of the photos, creating a new subcategory of "grandchildren" or "nieces and nephews." And where do the photos of my now deceased cat go?

Then there are the accessories. Scrapbookers usually have cardstock and decorated paper in various sizes, stickers (pictures, letters, borders), die-cuts (pictures, letters, borders), a variety of adhesives, stacks of quotations on vellum, markers, chalks, stamps, dies for making their own die-cuts, etc, etc, etc. One can easily see the nightmare there. Do I put things together by what they are, and what are they? All stickers together, or all borders together? Or should I organize by theme?

I have actually discovered the cataloging class ("Organization of Knowledge") that I took last summer has been helpful in making this a little less stressful. I realize organization is all about retrieval, but I feel like I will forget my "micro" decisions and lose track of this stuff all over again.

However, that always results in the most delightful part of the organization process, wherein one says happily,

"Hey, I forgot I had this. Cool."

The Big Folk Music Scare

2008-08-10T12:35:00.002-04:00

I used to listen to comedy albums by Martin Mull or go to his concerts in the late
70s, and he had this line I loved before one of the songs: "Remember the big folk music scare of the 60's? That crap almost caught on!" I've always loved the line, but secretly liked lots of folk music. Like my love of mayonnaise-intensive salads (potato, tuna, egg, etc.) it's a dark secret I don't share with everybody (although I guess I just have.)

However, there are a few instruments that make me agree with the sentiment, chief among them the dulcimer. There is a folk festival going on this weekend in the town where my church is, and there was a folk group performing at the church itself. I love fiddles, harmonicas, banjos, etc. but I do not like the dulcimer!! I had a fantasy of going up and grabbing that thing and heaving it through the stained-glass window! (Not the one with the sacred images, no, no, no. I mean one of the abstract ones that are supposed to represent manufacturing and industry, according to the church historian.)

And of course, I would never, ever do such a thing, being pretty mild-mannered in general. And the windows are too high, and I can't even really throw a ball very well, so I couldn't even if I really wanted to.

I just wanted to express how listening to the dulcimer makes me feel. Clearly, I did not stay for the dulcimer workshop following the service.

A brief entry before I retire for the night

2008-08-06T22:53:00.002-04:00

So I said I'd write every day during vacation, but I had to help with a home improvement thing. I really wasn't very much help, but it was time consuming. I just washed the fiberglass off of myself, and now I'm going to bed. We're more careful now since we found ourselves in a bed of fiberglass (not FULL of it, but it doesn't take much) a couple of weeks ago. NOT pleasant.

The good thing is I finished a book today and started another. I hope to keep up that rhythm throughout vacation. And now to bed.

"Vacation" plans (such as they are)

2008-08-05T12:39:00.004-04:00

As of yesterday, I'm on "vacation" for a couple of weeks--on the break between classes I teach as well as classes I take.

Except for a brief overnight visit "Up North" to visit our favorite restaurant by the bay on our anniversary, in a lovely little resort town, and gambling a little, I don't have traveling plans. However,I plan to do some of my favorite things: scrapbooking, splashing around in the pool,and spending time with friends.

Since I can't actually go to China to see the Olympics, I'm looking forward to going to an Olympics party hosted by my friend who lives and teaches in China, and who is visiting friends and family here now. She says she's having it not only because she's been inundated with "Olympic fever" for the past four years, but also because she has missed the past four Super Bowls.

I have been getting a head start on the scrapbooking over the past few weeks for two reasons: I had minor surgery which was a piece of cake, but the anesthesia left me with brain fog that left me useless to do anything but play with paper, glue, photos and scissors for a week (even though I had to go back to work and turn in a paper for two days after the surgery). Also, one of my many college roommates got in touch with me via Facebook and she is a scrapbooker. She kept talking about her Cricut, an electronic die-cutting machine. I ordered one on eBay and it is a lot of fun (but I'm glad I got it after the brain fog lifted. There is a sharp rotating blade involved.)

I noticed as I sorted through the "basket o'crap," a collection of ephemera I keep for "archiving" later, that despite my last post, I really did get out a lot. In fact, the collection of tickets, programs, invitations,photos and so on suggests an almost frantic busy-ness. I don't know why I have it in my head that I was such a homebody then. Maybe being home alone most of the time when I WAS home distorted the experience.

I also plan on blogging every day. I have been very remiss. As I have mentioned in previous posts, the blogging seems to complement the scrapbooking because it provides context to photos and such I may have forgotten about, or reminds me of dates or general time frames. Now, on with my vacation!

My virtual social life

2008-07-08T13:50:00.003-04:00

Wow! It has been a long time since I've written here. I've thought about things I want to write about, but I don't write them down and then I forget them.

Another reason is that I've been spending time on social networking sites like Facebook and occasionally MySpace. Various branches of family and friends inhabit those spaces and they have actually become a convenient form of communication. I prefer Facebook because it has games and other applications I like. (My son and I just completed the longest game of Scrabulous ever, I think, probably started the last time I wrote here.)

So I guess this is the thing that has been on my mind recently, and these thoughts are not exactly original. They are concerning to me though. Nowadays I can spend entire days in my pajamas and have plenty of virtual company (people I know in real life the majority of the time) and I can do other things too. I just completed my first completely online class and probably have done better than I have done in any class ever.

I have always had a hard time pushing myself out the door except for work, classes, buying groceries, planned social events and other life necessities, but before my desire for human contact would push me out of my comfort zone. When Ron was gone I thought I would seek out more company, and while I planned or initiated a few outings or had get-togethers at my house with others, most of the time I cocooned even more than usual.

Now, though, I can get the kind of interaction I like without having to deal with the parts that I've always found uncomfortable (greeting and leave-taking, knowing when to end a conversation, worrying about my hair, clothes, weight, mannerisms.) I think it is good to work on one's weaknesses, but now I don't have to in order to get what I need. Those issues are not going to improve if I don't make myself work on them.

My online class

2008-05-20T07:09:00.001-04:00

I’m in the process of taking my first completely online class and it’s actually kind of fun. A couple of things have been helpful. One is that the very first class I took in my program was partly face-to-face and partly online, with one or the other occurring about every other week. (This was especially helpful since the class was out of town..) I got used to going to the course management system and posting on the discussion board, submitting assignments electronically and so on (although I’m grateful my husband hadn’t left the country yet because I needed a little help with the assignment posting function). The other thing I think was helpful is blogging. I have gotten used to putting things out there for all the world to read, as well as commenting on what other people have written, so that has made interacting with classmates and the instructor on a discussion board pretty comfortable.

I also got a new laptop for Mother’s Day (after months of campaigning, whining, etc.) and having a new “toy” has made the class that much more fun. I’m still using the desktop from time to time, though, because I have a lot of information saved on here and my stepson is going to help me with a few things before I transfer some of that information. Also, I can’t find my flash drive right now, but I’m pretty sure it’s not as lost as my iPod. I’ve actually been cleaning and organizing a lot of stuff, and ironically, that’s when things start to disappear.

What I really like about the online class is being able to “attend” class in my pajamas while I have a glass of wine and come and go as I please. What I don’t like is there were some technical problems with getting the course up and running (on the institution’s end), and when organizing due dates for my assignment on a calendar, I discovered it’s one of those accelerated summer courses in which something is due constantly. (My other summer class, a face-to-face one, is longer). The combination of getting a late start on some aspects of it and the short time span means that I have a lot of catching up to do in a hurry.
Fortunately I have a couple more weeks off of work right now so I have time to get caught up, so I guess it’s time to get at it.

School trip to Greenfield Village

2008-04-26T15:16:00.001-04:00

Still here--update

2008-04-11T15:07:00.005-04:00

I have been very busy with work, grad school, and the joys and frustrations of my husband's constant remodeling (I am in a paradise of new appliances, which is particularly pleasant after having several of them decide to go on the blink during his absence. We did not really need ALL the new appliances, but of course the new washer required its matching dryer and so on.) That is one reason I have not posted for a long time.

Also, it's my understanding that generally, one should not blog angry, and I have frequently been angry over the past few months. Not so much angry, I guess, but just one of those extended periods in which I have a bad attitude. As much as I hate to admit it, those things they say about getting enough sleep, eating properly and so on seem to actually be helpful. Cookies are not nearly as therapeutic as they pretend to be at first.

But there has been good stuff...the best being the trip to Austin, Texas that Ron and I took during what my workplace calls "spring" break...which is pretty much mid-winter around here. Except for the day we left Austin, the weather was actually pretty nice there and we had an opportunity to see green grass and flowers...so good for the soul. We visited the State Capitol, the state history museum, the LBJ Museum and the Blanton Art Museum at UT saw a Texas Independence Day parade, went to a comedy club on 6th street and to a State Fair/Rodeo/Concert. I bought some cowgirl boots, too. I can't wait to wear them somewhere, but of course, there will be no horseback riding or anything like that. Nothing good can come of that.

So now I want to move there, but I think this is the pattern now: We will plan another trip, look at some property, Ron will want to make an offer and I will stay up all night and cry and cry and cry about how I can't leave here. Then we'll go to Portland, Oregon, which is my next possible consideration for a new home. Again, Step One: Visit just to relax and look around. Step Two: property search and tears. My feeling is when we find the proper place, a peace we have never known will descend upon us (I know, I know.)

Tonight I am looking forward to some "girl time" with some friends and pizza and wine and chocolate. In a few weeks I will have a couple of weeks off of work so maybe I can work on frustrating loose ends and not have to be thinking in so many different directions. I am hoping to use that time to adjust my attitude and work on a healthy lifestyle (except when there is a pizza/wine/chocolate opportunity) and perhaps do some more blogging.

Empathy

2008-02-17T14:14:00.002-05:00

For almost as long as I have been teaching the class, I have required my ESL Reading students to do a weekly current events journal. They have to read an American newspaper, magazine, or Web site (although the article itself can be about another country). They then have to write two paragraphs: the first a summary in their own words, and the second, their commentary on it. I want them to read in English outside the classroom, as well as get a feel for various American perspectives. (Understanding American culture is part of our program.)

I realize now that I have probably had a cavalier attitude for how complicated, if not difficult, this is for them.

In my Academic Libraries class (even though I'm specializing in School Media Specialist, my adviser helped me arrange this to expand my options), we don't have a required textbook. Instead, each week, we have a theme such as scholarly communication, personnel,budgeting, etc.We then must look in the professional literature (which can include literature outside the library profession) and choose two articles. We have to write an evaluative abstract of about 250 words for one of them, and give an annotated citation for the other. Sounds simple enough, right?

My database searching behaviors have become more efficient and precise, but I almost always end up printing out more than two articles before determining which ones I will use. I tend to start this assignment toward the end of the week (Wednesday night or Thursday; my class is Saturday). That's because the beginning of the week is spent preparing for work and my Tuesday night class. Similarly, my students have two or three other classes to prepare for, as well as the stuff of life we all have to deal with.

I almost always (well, OK, always) end up finishing this assignment very early Saturday morning. I need to turn the information over in my head, mentally consolidate what I was reading, then try to evaluate and cover the main points concisely. While one gets a little more leeway regarding paraphrasing when writing an abstract, I still like my work to reflect that I have processed the information as well as I could.

Where I run into difficulty is when I get into unfamiliar territory, such as budgeting. The accounting vocabulary is unfamiliar to me, and many articles are quantitative, so I must also deal with the vocabulary of statistics. Paraphrasing and summarizing becomes so much more difficult, and I edit both as I begin to write the abstract in longhand on Friday night (which seems to help my thinking process), and as I edit it on the computer on Saturday morning. It is not quick, though. It's like a stew I have to let simmer for days.

I finally understand that my students probably have a similar process for their current events assignment. They have to search for something that interests them and that they can absorb, process it in a second language, then summarize in their own words and provide some commentary. Because it's fairly easy for me to grade (I read fast and provide comments and minor proofreading/editing), I have been assuming it's not that hard for them to do.

I won't stop requiring it because I think it's valuable. I also enjoy this approach in the class I'm taking. A couple of classmates and I agreed yesterday that this procedure made us feel like "real" graduate students. Although I have had to read lots of professional/scholarly literature specifically assigned or that I found for papers, essentially creating the text as a group by choosing our own theme-based articles (supplementing our instructor's prepared lecture) is quite satisfying.

I will now approach my students' work on their current events journal with much more appreciation of the time and thought they had to expend to do the assignment well.

America Smells Like..

2008-01-24T10:02:00.000-05:00

I like to read books either about Americans living in foreign countries, or about people from foreign countries living in the United States. The former is the most interesting because it's a way to see ourselves in ways we don't usually think about.

One perception of America that is particularly interesting to me is smell, perhaps because that seems to be the strongest of my own five senses. The smell of a country first aroused my interest when I read The Poisonwood Bible by Barbara Kingsolver, and one of the characters who comes to America says it's the only country that has no smell.

Also, a few years ago, some of the people I work with invited our boss out for a beer on Boss' Day (which he actually insisted on paying for because he said he made more money than all of us.) He is from Korea, but has lived her for many years, and I believe he is a U.S. citizen. However, he makes frequent trips back to Korea for both personal and business purposes. We asked him which country felt like home, and he said it was Korea. he said Korea smells like kimchee, but America smells like cheese.

Last summer, I read John Pomfret's book Chinese Lessons. He wrote that some of his classmates were worried about rooming with Americans, some of them having heard that Americans smell like butter.

The most recent book like this I have read is Ha Jin's A Free Life. He writes that the first time on the plane to the U.S., many Chinese could not eat the meal served because of an overwhelming, sickening smell that so permeates the atmosphere in the United States that one can even smell traces of it on the fruits and vegetables in U.S. supermarkets.

I was puzzled as to what this smell might be. At first I thought it might be store bread, the smell of which Anne Tyler points out in Breathing Lessons. Upon doing a little Googling, however, I have come to believe that the smell Ha Jin is describing is fabric softener. However, various people on various blogs have suggested french fry grease and other theories. And if you investigate, you will discover there is a lot of conversation about the smell of countries

So now I'm curious. Does America smell more like dairy products or fabric softener? Or does it smell like something else?

My year in review

2007-12-31T08:54:00.000-05:00

This isn't something I'd normally do, but this has been an unusually "heightened" year, involving travel, self-reliance, education, property damage, and family drama. Here, then, is a month by month breakdown of the events of this year.

January--At the age of 47, I finally start graduate school.

February--My husband is offered an opportunity to take a four-month assignment in India. I am delighted, but panic a bit, because he is the house guy. I am daunted (and rightly so, it turns out) at the thought of holding down the fort.

March--My husband takes an exploratory trip to India at the end of the month.

April--He returns to India to begin the assignment. I conclude my first semester of grad school, which I approached in a toe-in-the-water sort of way with one class. I get an A, so now feel brave enough to try two classes. Fortunately, I can take them locally.

May/June--I start my second semester of grad school. I also experience household annoyance #1. Someone has an accident down the street from me, resulting in one of the cars careening down the street, knocking down my mailbox, and a the car's fascia falling off and tumbling into my driveway. I was actually walking onto the driveway from the backyard when this happened.

I then have to call handymen, which is a thing I have never had to do because my husband is a handy guy. Also, I have to call insurance companies while lacking info about who was in this accident because I have to wait on the police report, yada, yada. It makes me too tired to even think about it now. Long story short--my husband comes home for a few days on a scheduled break, and fixes it himself before returning to India again. The insurance company of the at-fault driver eventually covers the expenses.

July-- I host and enjoy our annual family 3rd of July (because that's the fireworks day) celebration, even though I can't get the grill to work (I broiled the chicken instead). The pool, however, which I have been maintaining myself for the first time, sparkles. (My husband opened it back when he was home.) I finish my second semester of grad school (and my work semester) at the end of the month, attend my 30th high school reunion, then go off to meet my husband in Amsterdam. I had never gotten on a plane alone before, so that was a bit of an adventure for me.

August--I thoroughly enjoy my time in Amsterdam with my husband. He returns home with me for a few days, then goes back to India to wrap some things up. At the end of the month, there is a week of severe storms in the midwest. On Friday of that week, there was a tornado in a nearby town. The night before that (also coinciding with my first day back at work), though, my neighbor's tree is struck by lightning, causing it to fall into my backyard. It crushes her gazebo and my chain-link fence, and punctures a hole through our swimming pool's winter cover (which, thankfully, we had put on before my husband went back to India, or the damage to the pool would have been awful). It took down my (and only my) power lines, resulting in no electricity, no phone, and no Internet. I spend the night at the house of the neighbors who have the offending tree.

September-- My son starts grad school. Because of the August storm, this is a month of calling power companies, tree removal people, pool/repair concrete folks, and the insurance company. My husband is now in Russia and wants me to come visit, which involves applying for a visa as quickly as possible (also something that makes me too tired when I think about it now.) I also start my third semester of grad school. I find out during this time that one of my family member's marriage has fallen apart (to everyone's surprise) and that he has been having serious health and emotional problems.

October--September blurs into October. The tree has been removed, the fence repaired, but the first pool guy I called never really communicates with me, so then I get a new pool guy who replaces the cover. I finish my 8-week work session, so there is a week where I have to write and grade exams and calculate grades, turn in a project for the class I'm taking, and get ready to leave for Russia (I have also been tutoring twice a week for pretty much the course of this entire narrative.) I also need to prepare lesson plans for two weeks for my sub.During this week, there is an unseasonable evening of storms involving several tornado warnings, so spending two nights before I left grading papers in my basement until I go to my neighbor's house because I don't want to be alone if trees start to fall again. Finally, I leave for Russia. As October turns into November, I enjoy two wonderful weeks in St. Petersburg.

November--I return from Russia on a Sunday night, go to work on Monday, spend all day Tuesday finishing a project for a class on Tuesday night, send an e-mail to my Wednesday night teacher begging for mercy and a 24-hour extension for the project that is due Wednesday night (which he mercifully grants), attend class on Wednesday night, and spend all day and night Thursday finishing the Wednesday night project (thank God for digital Drop Boxes.) I promise, I had worked on these in Russia, but just didn't have everything I needed there.

Thanksgiving was pretty low-key, just the way I needed and wanted it.

December--Much scrambling to finish my work semester, my school semester, do some minimal Christmas shopping and decorating. My husband comes home for good (oh, and did I mention I had also been scrambling around rounding up & mailing various documents regarding his upcoming retirement and dealing with the [very annoying] relevant investment company [which I can't write about too much, or I will burst into flames]). Christmas was lovely, but I have pretty much been spending the last several days sleeping or reading my library books...ones I checked out to read for FUN.

Also, sometime during these months, my washer broke, my oven is usable but has developed a problem that requires its replacement, and both panes of glass broke out of my side storm door during a windstorm.

In a week or so, it will all start up again, but my husband will be home. Yay! I told him next time he leaves again (which he might if he gets contract work during retirement) I want power of attorney and a condo. He said I can have them, but I will have to stop by the house once a week to check on the house. :-(

I must say, during this time, my oldest stepson and his wife and my next-door neighbors have been absolutely wonderful to me. Without them, these past few months would have been so much harder. It has been one of the most interesting years of my life, but I'm sort of glad to put it to bed.

Happy New Year!

A thing that annoys me

2007-12-30T22:39:00.000-05:00

I hate it when people call Banana Republic (the store) "Banana." It makes me unreasonably angry. That's all.

Where my cookies at?

2007-10-30T07:45:00.000-04:00

I like the food here. I do. At the OK market, there is an an entire aisle devoted to sausage. You can also buy dumplings in bulk. These are a few (or a couple) of my favorite things. However, in my trips abroad, one thing has eluded me. That is, a proper noshing cookie.

There are all kinds of wonderful biscuit-type confections to have with tea and coffee, and they are wonderful for that purpose. My stepson's wife (and my very dear friend) and I both enjoy day-old baked goods for the same purpose. They have lost just enough moisture and have just the right consistency to accompany a hot beverage.

What I am talking about is the kind you sit in front of the TV with (not at the table, like a lady, where I have my tea and biscuits). They should be full of bad stuff, including perhaps, high-fructose corn syrup (by which I am horrified in all other products). I'm talking Chips Ahoy, Oreos, and proper ones that are sweet, sweet, sweet...not like the abominations I once had in China. I know they must be good to others too (the Chips Ahoy) because my Korean visitors last summer bought them and tried to bring them to a concert and I had to tell them it was not allowed--to my chagrin as well as theirs, I assured them. And, for supposedly not liking sweets, they sure filled my grocery cart up with Sugar Frosted Flakes and the like (to my delight, because then I got to eat them too.)

The cookies should be eaten right out of the bag or box with crumbs falling right into one's lap, and there should be much channel switching. It's best to settle on something on TV Land or Lifetime. (There is a Hallmark channel on the satellite system here that serves a similar purpose, but no proper cookies). Maybe I just need to do some more shopping and experimenting. For now, I shall just have another biscuit while I watch CNN International. (I have to stay here for now because I have a load of wash in progress.)

How do they look at themselves in the mirror?

2007-10-29T07:10:00.000-04:00

Well, I'm going off the travel topic for this post. From time to time, I check my e-mail, and because of various discussion lists I'm on, there will be job postings for either ESL teachers or librarians. After they go through a lengthy list of qualifications for the job, always including a Master's Degree and experience, one often discovers the job is part-time for something like 16-21 dollars an hour. Now, I think the ESL teachers are harder to come by than the librarians (where I live, at least) but seriously, don't they feel bad about asking for that in return for what they're willing to give? It's one of the (many) reasons I decided not to pursue my MA in TESOL. At the university nearby, it even said on the Web site the last time I checked it that it's a pretty sure bet you'll be working part time unless you want to arrange conferences and such. At least in the library world, there's some chance of working full time, although I know that situation has many drawbacks as well right now. Why would someone pursue a master's in an area in which there is little chance of making a living wage (or salary?) And it's one of the areas in education in which there is a shortage of qualified teachers. Aren't these people in education and ESL going to conferences every two minutes? It seems like they could get together and work out the faulty logic on this one.

Some tourist-y stuff, some everyday stuff

2007-10-29T05:25:00.000-04:00

I have now visited The Hermitage, seen Madame Butterfly at the Mariinsky Theater, and gone inside The Church of the Savior on Spilled Blood.

I have also gone grocery shopping at what is known in American retail jargon as a "hypermarket," (kind of what Americans might call a superstore). In other words, one of those stores in which you can buy clothing, groceries, tires, etc. Also, last night, we went to an Azerbajian (Azerbajiani?) restaurant, and I had something delicious called Chicken Sadj. I'm not sure if it is an Azerbajian or Russian dish because I think the restaurant offered both. It had chicken, eggplant, potatoes, green peppers, tomatoes, and apples. It was served on a wok-type thing with fire in the middle, and that was set upon a little bucket of coals.

This was a somewhat masculine place (although women were there) with lots of men smoking, a few drinking, and watching the soccer game. I don't particularly like cigarette smoke and at home would avoid it, but I liked the earthiness of this place. It made me feel like I was somplace different, and that is why one travels, right? Except, like everywhere, they played a lot of American music.

I said to my husband that it's kind of hard not to feel cocky, even when you know it's wrong and obnoxious, when almost everywhere you go you can find your language spoken and "your" music playing; you can also find your fast food restaurants. I'm sure that's more about marketing than anything else, but it does make it hard not to feel a little smug. Of course, in the USA, we are influenced by so many cultures, it is hard to claim one as our very own.

The Hermitage was wonderful, but overwhelming. It used to be the Winter Palace (at least part of it), from 1744-1762 the official residence of the Imperial family. There are many aspects to it and I will go back again, I think. There is so much art there to see, it seems impossible for any to be left for any other museum in the world. We were on the third floor (19th and 20th Century art) when the place just started closing; no anoouncement, just the people who sit in chairs in each of the rooms got up, started turning off lights, getting their coats on, etc. We were getting a little panicky heading out looking for exits, lights going off either ahead of us or behind us as we retraced our path through every room. When we got to the first floor, there were lots of visitors there just leaving and that was a relief. On the second and third floors i think we were starting to get worried about getting locked in there.

Madame Butterfly was fine, but I preferred the ballet. It is just too hard for me as a modern western woman to buy into the story. You're going to marry me, go off with the fleet, come back a few years later with an American wife and ask me to hand my child over, and I'm going to do it and kill myself? Oh, hell no. In my version, there would be a very Springer-like ending, but I guess that is not the stuff of great art now, is it?

I'm so glad we went into the Church on Spilled Blood. The church outside is very colorful and lovely, but the inside is amazing. There are walls and walls of incredible mosaics depicting Biblical scenes as well as gorgeous woodwork. The place had been damaged by war and had been used as a warehouse, I think for an opera company in later years, but has been beautifully restored. It's not a big place at which one necessarily spends a lot of time, but it is breathtaking. Near the gift shop area, there is a wall of photos which document its restoration. It is heartbreaking to see the damage it once suffered.

Of course, the worst cost of war is always the human cost in terms of lives and injuries to both body and soul. However, seeing what it does to the remarkable achievements of human beings also makes one shudder. Of course, it is easier to resrore a building than a person, but still requires great cost and commitment.

When I travel, I'm happy if I get to experience the "everydayness" of life, so I really enjoy things like trips to the grocery store. Although some things are written in English, most products had Cyrillic script labels so one either buys products that are instantly recognizable by the pictures, or by categorizing them with the other products in the aisle. When I first got here, I almost made myself a peanut butter and tomato sauce sandwich, because the jars in the fridge were about the same size and the inside seemed to be about the same consistency and color. In fact, I had the first smear of "jelly" on the peanut butter when I thought the aroma of it seemed unusually rich and tomato-ey.

My conditioner, a brand I sometimes use at home, is written on in Cyrillic script, mostly, but in English promises me "Respect and Balance." I get balance, but respect? Wow. Who knew? It's about damn time I got a little respect from my hair...and all for a few rubles. I'm going to try to back-translate it to see what they were going for. I'm guessing something similar to "control."

More from St. Petersburg

2007-10-24T14:32:00.000-04:00

On Monday, we went to a bridge near the Church of the
Savior on Spilled Blood. As we approached the bridge, my husband told me that there was usually a wedding party there having pictures taken. Sure enough, there were two wedding parties. Another thing he told me that happens there is that the groom picks up the bride and carries her across the bridge. We saw them do that too.
I did ask him "Who gets married on a Monday?" and he told me just about any day he has come here, no matter what day of the week, there has been a wedding.

The brides' dresses were a bit more ornate than most of the dresses that are currently popular in the USA. They looked beautiful,though, and because it was a cold day, they wore little faux fur jackets with their dresses. The bridesmaids, though, had full-on parkas over their bridesmaids' gowns which surprised me a bit, because people have struck me as rather fashionable. The parka/ gown combo made me feel right at home. (Although we will generally take it up a notch for a wedding--at least the ladies). They looked pretty impatient with the picture taking; everyone's teeth were chattering.

We went to a restaurant featuring Russian food that evening and I had Solyanka, a sweet/sour/spicy soup which the server described as having pickled cucumbers and "meat." There was some sausage in it, and some other diced meat. It was actually pretty tasty, served with a side container of sour cream. I will eat a lot of things if I am given sour cream to have with them. Plus my time in China has made me pretty adventurous regarding meat. Eat it now, ask questions later. If ever. Need to know basis. It was good, though. I will try to make it at home.

Last night we went to the Mariinsky Ballet and Opera Theater to see the ballet The Sleeping Beauty. It was a great ballet, but long. There were three intermissions which I think must have been 15-20 minutes each. The dancing was wonderful and amazing; the costumes were gorgeous. The theater is elegant with gold-leaf and crystal chandeliers and those curtained boxes like you see in old movies.The domed ceiling had a painting and a frieze (I think) around the painting. On Friday, we will go there again to see the opera Madama Butterfly.

We tried to go to the Hermitage today but we got there too late to buy tickets (having slept late after the late night at the ballet, then being too wound up to go to sleep right away.) I think we will try to go tomorrow.

(If you have left me a comment, it will show up soon...just as soon as I can get this Cyrillic alphabet down pat, and perhaps a Russian/English dictionary so I know whether I'm saying to allow or disallow it. The unfamiliar characters are messing with my spatial memory so I can't remember which side means what.)

Greetings from St. Petersburg!

2007-10-22T03:32:00.000-04:00

OK, we're going to try this and see what happens. First of all, for some reason, I was surprised to log on to Blogger and see everything in Russian, including my profile. Since I can't read Cyrillic, i'm just sort of clicking spaces by memory and figuring out what to do from the graphics I recognize.

I left Saturday and arrived here yesterday (Sunday). It was amazing to ride into St. Petersburg and see how different everything suddenly looked compared to everything on the outskirts. It's quite lovely here with amazing architecture. I haven't visited anywhere yet; I just took a walk with my husband at night in which he tried to orient me a bit, but between jet lag and general confusion I experience when I travel, that just wasn't happening yet.

In addition to the trip, I had just experienced the busiest week of my life. I had a group project including presentation due in my School Media Specialist class on Wednesday night. I had to prepare final exams for my grammar and reading classes, correct those, and calculate and turn in my final grades before I left. I also had to leave plans for Molly, the teacher who is subbing for me for two weeks, as well as syllabi for those courses because it's now the beginning of that session. That's in addition to preparations I had to make for the trip, including some items I had to round up for my husband (among them,half-inch sticky dots, which I thought would be the easiest thing...but no. Quarter-inch, three-quarters, no problem, but half-inch proved more elusive).

The biggest thing I noticed is that the majority of people walking about in the evening seemed young, fit, and very nicely dressed, so I was glad it was kind of dark because I was looking very travel-weary and not young, fit, nor particualarly nicely dressed (having pretty much been wearing the same thing for almost 24 hours and just too damn tired to change.)

The place we are staying is within walking distance of the Hermitage (I have now seen the exterior) and some historical churches. There were some people singing in the street when we took a walk, and my husband tells me that's not unusual. I heard some music playing as we passed one building. It was American: What a Wonderful World, which I had actually heard on the radio in the apartment earlier.

I am kind of proud of this: this is the second time I met my husband somewhere, flying on my own. This is the kind of thing that used to be very anxiety-provoking for me. It still is a bit, but not nearly as much as it used to be. I've discovered there are very predictable events in terms of the flight (although I made a point of selecting a flight that connected in Amsterdam rather than Paris since I have now been in that airport. That results in similar meals, etc.) once I have actually visited some places, I will update.

(About my last strange, out-of-context entry: I was trying to show my brother how to set up a blog so he will stop sending 10,000 e-mails a week. Someday I will modify and contextualize it).

My brother's here!

2007-09-22T16:44:00.000-04:00

My brother is visiting me today after his participation in the
Michigan Remembers Run.

My "American" need for water and space

2007-08-10T07:45:00.000-04:00

I've been going through this identity process the past year or so of determining how I am "American." I found myself in the fall starting to become very frustrated (after having done this kind of work off and on for over 15 years) dealing with the cultural differences I encounter daily in my job, whereas in the past I had usually been delighted or charmed by them. My friend Pat, who has studied and still spends time examining intercultural communication, assured me this is a very normal part of the process and helps one to establish the values, customs, ideals, etc. that are truly held dear, rather than the ones just taken for granted because that's the way everyone else seems to operate.

Now I've just returned from a trip to Amsterdam which I loved, loved, loved. There were many international tourists there, as well as locals, of course. Because I enjoyed the trip so much, the things I didn't like stood out.

One was that I was so thirsty all the time. I was when I went to China several years ago as well. I'm not a Big Gulp-swilling American, but I do like to drink lots of water with my meals, perhaps along with another beverage. In most restaurants in Amsterdam they won't give you tap water but want you to buy bottled water. If you order something like iced tea (which, unless I'm in the south, I always drink unsweetened), it comes in a teeny-tiny (albeit adorable) bottle, often carbonated and sweetened. (And I know I'm lucky to be getting iced tea at all.) I found myself ordering beer more often just because it comes in more generous portions. (Unfortunately, I will too now.)

The other thing that makes me crazy (and did in China)is being jostled or bumped without the jostler/bumper saying "excuse me" or "sorry" or "pardon" (in whatever language). Intellectually, I understand this doesn't happen everywhere, for a variety of reasons. (And I should point out, it was accompanied from time to time with an apology.) But...but...it SHOULD. I understand my "bubble" and I understand that, being somewhat claustrophobic, this might bother me more than most. When it is accompanied by an apology, though, I can physically feel my agitation subside.

When my husband gets the photos loaded on our computer, I'll write about how truly fun it was. This American identity issue has really resonated for me these past several months, so I'll write about it more in other posts.

Enjoying our visitors

2007-07-19T10:18:00.000-04:00

Life has been very busy lately, but in a good way. On Friday night through Monday morning, I hosted two young Korean women for a weekend home stay. Our college just hosted eighteen visiting university students and their chaperone, and they were among those visitors.

We frequently have visitors from other countries in our department, but I haven't been involved with them before. In fact, usually I'm unaware or only vaguely aware of their presence. This time, though, I taught an ESL class for them, accompanied them on one of their field trips, and hosted the two young women. They also invited me to help judge a "food festival," a team cooking contest they had at their residential-style hotel.

It was so much fun for me that even though I've been very busy with my job, classes, and homework and holding down the fort while my husband is away (more about that in a future post) I feel like I've been on kind of a vacation. (Not one of the restful kinds, like lying on a Mexican beach--rather, one of the busy and stimulating kinds, like going to Washington D.C. or Disney World.)

They are flying home as I write this, and I will miss them. I hope they will send me some photos, since I didn't take any, and if they do, I will post them here. I'll also write about some of the things I did both with the young women and with the class, whether or not I get some photographs.

Hipper librarians

2007-07-10T10:57:00.000-04:00

This New York Times article has been circulated on several listservs I’m on, as well as e-mailed to me by my son. It discusses the "hipper" new librarians, and I guess that’s a good thing. I still find it concerning in terms of this being a mid-life career change for me. I couldn’t really pull off "hip" when I was young, so I doubt that’s going to get easier now.

I guess the age discrimination thing goes both ways, though. Here is a letter from a woman who feel she is experiencing age discrimination in the job market, and another from someone who feels she is having trouble because of her youthful appearance. I guess the thing to do would be to take the "do" advice from one of them, and interchange them in order to have "don’t" advice.

If all else fails, I guess I’ll have to get a tattoo, or at least get something besides my ears pierced. I always thought that eyebrow thing looked kind of cute.

Librarian

2007-06-17T12:15:00.001-04:00

I love this video!

Still willing to learn

2007-06-14T08:18:00.000-04:00

I had originally decided the theme of this blog was going to be issues of middle age, and had sort of let some of that go. I felt like I was sometimes looking for trouble where perhaps none existed in terms of age discrimination and stereotypes.
Now, though, with library school, I am making a significant investment of time and money, and I truly feel that some of the things I’m observing and hearing will be detrimental to me in tangible ways.
For example, in my Reference class on Saturday, the head of the library consortium in my state was a guest speaker. Although rather youthful looking, the references/dates he referred to indicated he is probably just a couple years older than me.
He referred to things such as blogs, wikis, Second Life, and social networking sites, and when he did, he mentioned that much younger colleagues were more involved in that. He would say things like "That’s not my demo." This is a person who has worked very hard and achieved great things in terms of libraries in our state. However, in addition to alluding that the aforementioned items were "young people" things, he also mentioned some things he wanted to do before he retired, went to the Caribbean, etc.
He certainly deserves that, but I’m not ready for that. I feel I have at least a good twenty years of working life left, God willing, if not more. I feel I’ve finally collected enough experiences in which to attach new knowledge. I meet many young people who, in addition to their very hard work, have lived much more privileged lives than my young life was. I had to collect some of their experiences later in life. Now I’m ready to use my collected experience and knowledge to latch onto some new experience and knowledge.
Also, I know what all of the things he mentioned are and try to involve myself in most of them at least minimally, just because I like to know what everybody’s talking about. I don’t like it when other people (of all ages) spread the misconception that people my age and older are doddering idiots who can’t press a few computer keys, ask a few questions, read a few articles and books and figure out what’s what.
I will also sometimes hear younger people talk about older people and attribute difficulties they experience with them in the workplace (or wherever) to their age. Uh, no…they were probably change-resistant, inflexible, domineering control freaks (or whatever their problem is) even when they were young.
More later.

Gascony Beef Stew

2007-05-19T18:28:00.000-04:00

This stew will make you want to live again on a bitter, cold, gray day in Michigan in February (or March, or April, or May). I had misplaced the recipe, but found my Christmas folder in a half-hearted attempt at cleaning my desk. My husband likes to bake it, after it has been prepared on the stove top, in a covered cast-iron pan. Be very careful, though. There might be some leakage into your oven, and the lid might stick to the pan, so you must let it cool before you pry it off. It's also very heavy. Served over mashed potatoes, though, (the original recipe suggested egg noodles, but I like potatoes) this is the ultimate comfort food. (Stephanie, I hope you find this.)

Gascony Beef Stew

1/2 pound bacon, sliced

3 cups (about 3 medium) onions, chopped

3 cups (about 1 1/4 lbs.) carrots, cut into bite-sized pieces

4 garlic cloves, bruised

1/2 teaspoon thyme

1/2 teaspoon sage

2 bay leaves, crumbled

2 teaspoons salt

1/4 teaspoon pepper

6 pounds beef chuck, cut into 1-inch cubes

1 cup all-purpose flour

1 1/2 cups white wine

1/4 cup brandy

3 cups beef broth

2 cans diced tomatoes

Cook bacon in skillet over moderate heat until crisp. Drain and crumble. In large bowl combine bacon with onions, carrots, garlic, thyme, sage, bay leaves, salt and pepper.

Line bottom of 8 to 10 quart oven-proof casserole or Dutch oven with 1 cup vegetable mixture. Shake beef cubes in flour. layer half the beef over vegetables in casserole, placing cubes close together. Strew half the remaining vegetables over beef. Continue layering with remaining beef (adding all flour) and vegetables, and end with the vegetables.

Preheat oven to 325 F. pour wine, brandy, broth and tomatoes over stew. Add water, if necessary, to cover. Bring to a simmer on top of stove. Cover and place in oven; bake 3 hours. (Can be made ahead. Cool to room temperature; cover and freeze in freezer-proof container up to 4 weeks. Thaw at room temperature 4 hours. reheat in 350 F oven until bubbling, about 1 1/2 hours.) Makes 16 servings, about 435 calories each.

"Read and release" your books

2007-03-26T14:32:00.000-04:00

I just saw this website: I'm going to print some labels and do this before I donate my books.
What a great idea!

Web 2.0 ... The Machine is Us/ing Us

2007-02-07T16:59:00.001-05:00

This is scary, poetic, hypnotic and informative...and a couple of lessons worth of Library and Information Science.

Why I finally applied for library school

2007-01-30T21:00:00.000-05:00

I applied to library school because of a Unitarian message from God. I had been thinking about this for a long time, had done some considerable checking online into the program I was interested in, and requested some materials to be mailed to me. This stuff was sitting around my house, and I would look at it from time to time and not do anything about it. Then I read Dana's blog one day and she had posted a list of Web comic links. One was Unshelved, which had a post that linked to Questionable Content, and there I saw it: a t-shirt that says "She blinded me with Library Science." And I thought, "I. Must. Have it." However, if I ordered this shirt, having no connection to library science, I would be a poseur. I, therefore, applied for the program. And now, ironically, I have no time to read books or visit libraries, unless as part of one of my many assignments.

New beginnings (and I can finally blog again!)

2007-01-11T08:51:00.000-05:00

I had been unable to post for several days after I switched to the new Blogger (after having simply neglected my blog for several months). Whenever I tried to post, I would get the "unable to complete your request" message. It looks as things have been repaired, though, and I'm looking forward to learning how to use the new features. The most exciting thing happening right now, is, after lo, these many years, I am starting graduate school! I will be studying for a Master's degree in Library and Information Science, so I plan to learn to actually use the wonderful technology that's available. I'm starting slowly, with one class which begins tonight, so I'm still enthusiastic. Once the actual work begins, I'm sure I will be less enthusiastic, but I am nevertheless committed. Next time I will write about the odd set of circumstances which actually inspired me to finally apply for the program.

Home

2006-09-09T20:45:00.000-04:00

While reading Dana's post about the relief of not having to fit in in foreign cultures, and then her discussion of exaggerating one’s “nativeness,” I started thinking again about something that has been on my mind for a while now. My husband and I have been exploring places to live when he retires, and when we visited one of them last summer, I just panicked when we were about to put an offer on some property there…I mean, a sleepless night and sobbing, weeping. It was awful.

It turns out there were some serious things at home that needed attention, but since then, things have calmed down (knock on wood). I continued the search for places to live through magazines, the Internet, etc. and I have come to this conclusion: I have fallen for my state like someone who is in an arranged marriage might fall in love with their spouse. I didn’t choose this state; I was born here. It was not my mother’s native state, so it’s not like there are generations who have been here

One of my clues was this: I have recently been something of an iTunes addict, and they have lists of songs relating to various themes. One was for my state and the major city in it. I looked at the list, and I thought, “My God, I love all of these songs.” It’s not something I can define or describe, but these songs, which span generations, touch me. I have wondered why I have never made popular culture choices that are “appropriate” to my age, and this is what I learned: it’s not about time for me, but place.

Then something else happened. I was researching another town online that had been recommended in a magazine, and I was reading Chamber of Commerce stuff, I think. It said that union membership in that state was low, and they said it like it was a good thing! What? I now live in a management family (although I belong to a union, and I recognize there are problems) but I just felt like I had experienced an insensitive attack on my religion. Yeah, they sometimes make life inconvenient, but they make it a little more fair. Do people really want to go back to the way it was before unions?

My state is also gorgeous. A lot of people I run into don’t know that because I live in one of the most geographically uninteresting parts of it. Some of the really stunning parts don’t have a lot of people living there permanently because tourism is the primary industry, or because you are more likely to live there if you are very well off. Nevertheless, I like it here, because this part of the state is one of the more integrated ones I’ve ever seen. People cross ethnic and racial and socioeconomic lines more deeply than I have seen in other places. I’ve had the opportunity in my life to hang out with people from a broad array of backgounds, particularly when I moved to my current home. I don’t agree with everybody here about everything, but I never feel like I have to.

I feel like when I move to a new state, I will have to spend a lot of time justifying and defending myself and the things I believe and value. I will have an accent (and I never thought I really had the accent of my home state until I listened to a message I had left on our home answering machine.) People won’t say “pop” or play euchre. (I don’t play euchre, either, but I need to be able to refuse to play it at a social gathering.)

I like to travel when I have the opportunity and hope I can do more of it. I like meeting new people and seeing different ways of doing things. This, though, is my home, and even though I will probably leave it someday, it will be one of the more difficult moments in my lfe.

Did you find my balloon?

2006-08-27T20:28:00.000-04:00

Click the comments section and let me know.

My Summer Vacation: Parties!

2006-08-21T19:04:00.000-04:00

Most of my summers are pretty quiet, with a graduation open house or shower or wedding here or there, but this summer, I was involved in planning several celebrations. First, I planned a casual celebration (actually, two) the day my son graduated from his university. Then, along with my brother and sister and sister-in-law, I helped plan a surprise half-birthday party for my mom's 80.5 birthday. Her birthday is on Christmas Eve, and she has never had a proper party. A surefire way to surprise people is to have a party when it's not their actual birthday. A month or so later, a co-worker and I threw a baby shower at my house for our friend Sandra. We had a Princess theme. I borrowed a gold velvety tablecloth and lots of silver and silverplate from a friend, and we had little bouquets of flowers in tiny silvery vases, and tiny sandwiches and whatnot...and we all wore paper princess crowns, but Sandra's was a little fancier and foil/metal and multi-colored. Most recently, my husband and I threw ourselves a 25th Anniversary party (with lots of contributions of time and talent from various family members.) It was much fancier than our wedding; it was a luncheon for about 70 people at a country club (our wedding reception was a party in our backyard with a band, which was actually a lot of fun.)

One of the things I am happy about is that I sort of joined the 21st century in the planning of the anniversary party. I made mix CD's to give away (all legally and on the up-and-up) I had never even made a mix tape back in the old days, let alone burned a CD. We made labels for the tins and the CDs on the computer. I also am pretty much the last person on earth, according to my son, to have never made a PowerPoint slide show (until now.) Of course, my husband and stepson had to put the music I had chosen with the slides I had made and get it into a usable condition, and my granddaughter informed me, with the self-assurance that only a fourteen-year-old girl can muster, that I should have used Moviemaker. (I don't have Moviemaker!)

There is one more little surprise party to go (and I know that person won't be reading my blog) but my only job is to buy some balloons. Otherwise, I just need to get a gift and card and eat at Old Country Buffet (a secret, guilty pleasure that I only engage in when someone else has planned an event there.)

Although I have enjoyed every party, I'm ready to settle down and begin the real New Year...the beginning of the school year. (Even though I worked in the summer, I always consider the fall semester the beginning...and I will spend this week in the ritual cleaning of my sock drawer.) Good times!

2006-05-22T08:11:00.000-04:00

There is a commercial for the local cable company featuring two turtles (tortoises?) called the Slowskys. They are apparently a married turtle couple, and they talk about how they prefer the slower cable company rather than the fast connection of the company being advertised. "Where's the fire?" Mrs. Slowsky asks.

Although I love a fast cable connection, her attitude sort of expresses my love/hate relationship with technology. I love the fact that a few years ago, friends/ old roommates I hadn't heard from in twenty years started to e-mail me, and I them. I enjoy having my blog, although I really don't know how to use it to its full potential. I like being able to keep in contact with my family, even if I'm a world away.

There are some things that have gotten lost, though. When I was a teenager and a college student, buying an album was kind of special. I would take it home for the first time, and when I had my own stereo system (my first major independent purchase), I would open up the record, carefully put it on the turntable, and clean it with the special wiper that came with it. I would sit down and study the cover art and liner art, and I would read the lyrics on the liner note and try to learn as many songs as I could. When I played the album subsequent times, I always enjoyed putting an album on the turntable and feeling anticipation as I heard that subtle "scritch."

I guess the thing that comes closest now is seeing what's new on iTunes every Tuesday, which is a little more satisfying than just loading up and starting a CD cartridge. It's fun to browse around and see people's various comments about the songs and albums, and see what kind of mixes people have made. Still, it would be fun to get a hold of a turntable and play my old albums someday.

Recent developments

2006-05-09T13:48:00.000-04:00

I have not posted on my blog for a long time, primarily because my home computer is out of commission. It is being fixed (hopefully) by an acquaintance of my husband who is doing it in his spare time, which apparently has not been much lately. I'm posting this at my workplace, but I'm not really "at work" right now. The very best news of late is this: my son has graduated from college! Woo-hoo! I had a lot of fun on his graduation day; I hope he did too. The graduation speaker (Christiane Ahmanpour!!) was excellent. It was a beautiful and only slightly chilly morning, and warmed up nicely later. Of course, I was very proud. Eleven of us had a lovely brunch at the student union, then we visited the university's botanical gardens at his girlfriend's suggestion. I was pretty impressed with my son's knowledge of the place. He also pointed out an old growth forest on the way to the gardens. he explained that this forest is off limits to visitors, which one of his professoers felt was a mistake, because people are more inclined to protect what they are familiar with. Apparently my son had spent some time in these parts for a class, and later visited on his own. Later more family members joined us at a restaurant/saloon for food, beer, etc. It was a great day.

My Rider

2006-03-27T18:53:00.000-05:00

I was reading about Dick Cheney's and John Kerrey's "riders" as published in
The Smoking Gun--the stuff people want waiting in their hotel rooms for them. Not that I'll ever have the kind of fame, money, etc. that gets you that kind of thing, but I like to fantasize about it, the same way that I fantasize about my Oscar gown, what I'll wear to my husband's presidential inauguration, etc. So here's what I want:

*A fluffy pair of flannel pajamas and one of those nice fluffy hotel robes, and some booty slippers
*A selection of herbal and green teas in one of those sectioned tea boxes, and hot water in a ceramic pot, and a big, chunky mug, preferably with an art print on it
*A bowl of lemon slices
*Two bottles of Shiraz and half a dozen crystal wine glasses
*Magazines: People, Atlantic Monthly,Newsweek, Time, and the daily newspaper of whatever city I'm in
*Pepperidge Farm Mint Milano cookies
*Videos--The first season of Lost,or any of the Six Feet Under seasons
*An elliptical trainer

Wow, I'm really disappointed. These are pretty much things I can easily provide for myself. I guess that's why people want these things, though...the comforts of home.

The things I'm going to do "someday"

2006-03-15T21:49:00.000-05:00

I have so many things in my head I think I will do when I get a big chunk of time, but then when I do, I forget what they were and just take a nap. Therefore, I'm going to document them here.

* figure out how to do cool things on my blog, and to find out why I can't create links although I'm following the instructions I used to.

*scan all my photos to the computer, put them on disks, and get them all scrapbooked

*clean my entire house (including closets) and gather and price items for a garage sale

*get a Master's Degree, which would involve a series of smaller tasks to initiate the process

*exercise on a regular basis

*watch the Godfather movies (I have never seen a Godfather movie in its entirety)--also Apocalypse Now and Citizen Kane

*read the boxed set of tiny Shakespeare books that I asked for and got several Christmases ago

*find my Christmas recipe folder!!! It's missing and I must have it!

*put photos in my dozens of empty frames

* buy some proper clothes (Goddess clothes, as my friend Susan would say)

* get a mammogram and make an eye doctor appointment

* read the manual that came with my car

* figure out how to use all the features on my cell phone

Well, I guess that's enough to keep me off the streets for the next few breaks.

Hospitals

2006-02-22T18:04:00.000-05:00

Fortunately, she seems to be doing better now, but about two weeks ago my stepdaughter had a serious car accident on her way home from work, resulting in a badly broken hip, among other things. After the initial surgery, another surgery at another hospital a little over an hour from here,was required. Although she is still in the hospital, she sounded great when my husband spoke to her on the phone today and seems to be recovering nicely, although there is some more healing and rehab ahead of her.
(Update: I was interrupted when writing this Saturday. She will be returning to our hometown hospital tomorrow for rehab.)
Since early May of last year, I have had three family members in the hospital for some pretty serious stuff. That was preceded by two years where someone was in the hospital at least once for other serious stuff. I am happy to report that they are, if not necessarily all completely healthy, better off than they would have been without surgical/medical intervention.
It’s strange how you can go years and years without this stuff going on and then it becomes a weirdly normal part of your life—not the illness or injury that results in the hospital stay, but how the language of hospitals and getting around starts to become familiar: NPO, clear tray, rating pain on a scale of 1 to 10, etc.
But thank God for the hospitals, doctors, nurses, and other medical personnel that have made life better, safer, and healthier for my loved ones when they have been in some kind of trouble.

Scrubs and ageism

2006-01-05T09:49:00.000-05:00

Several posts ago, I said that I would write about issues of age as they are represented in popular culture (and someday, when I can create a link...I have been having trouble doing that lately using the blogger instructions, I will edit this and include links.) I saw an issue that came up the other night on one of my favorite sitcoms, Scrubs, but I wanted to process it for a few days before I wrote about it.

This is a batch of new episodes, and J.D., the main character, has now become an attending physician supervising a group of interns. Among those interns is an older woman (comic premise, I'm sure, being that it is not bloody likely, which is true.) My issue is that this woman is presented as being slow-moving and constantly falling asleep.

One of the fun things about this show is that it actually explores, in a comedic way, the way we stereotype people, shown in the ways J.D. relates to his African-American friend Turk, and Turk's Hispanic wife,Carla, and even the ditzy, WASPY blonde (female) doctor, Elliot. So, initially, I thought, this is among the things this show does. Everybody is fair game, and so age would certainly not be off-limits.

But then I got to thinking about a syndicated column I read a couple of days ago (and I can't find it.) It was written by a Hispanic woman who discussed people who write her with legitimate questions, and the letters often begin "I know you will think I'm a racist, but...". She then discusses how the fear of being branded racist prevents us from discussing legitimate issues. Then she usually is able to point out to people that the way we stereotype people obscures other issues, such as poverty. Her point is, that real racism is something that ultimately results in some kind of economic hardship for people.

This is where I take issue with the Scrubs episode. Hollywood is notorious for age discrimination, and there is a class action suit brought by several writers over 40 against studios in Hollywood. http://www.writerscase.com/ Age is an economic issue in show business (as ethnicity has been, but that situation is changing to some extent.) My point is that an industry which is known for hurting people economically in this way (not only in the past, but currently and blatantly) is being very offensive when it is stereotyping in this manner.

Keeping track

2006-01-04T20:52:00.000-05:00

I was filling out the new calendar from the old calendar a couple of days ago (primarily birthdays) and I noticed all the additional stuff that had been written in...doctor's appointments, get-togethers with friends, vacations, and so on. I realized that i had probably forgotten a lot of details of those events that might be helpful for my occasional pastime of scrapbooking, which should be more fun because of the Sizzix die-cut machine I requested and got for Christmas.

Therefore, I will occasionally be recording the excruciating minutiae of my life, not because it's good reading, but I've discovered going over old blog entries also helps me remember things.

My first act will be to record what I can recall that I got for Christmas 2005: the aforementioned Sizzix, Eminem CD (Curtain Call), slippers,slipper socks, a Pilates ball and DVD, (and I also gave Ron one, which is OK because they come in sizes according to your height)(Ron); a crystal candy jar or vase (Princess House)(Jeff and Roni); Sweater with crocheted hem and neck (Jamie); Le Creuset ceramic baking pans and a silicone one, jewelry box, and holly chip and dip server (Jay and Shari); scrapbook stickers, bath gel, and a Linkity game (Joe and Julie); money (Mom) :-) ; a "popcorn" container filled with movie snacks (Bob and Sherry); bottle of wine and candy (Jodi and Karl).restaurant gift certificate (Kathy); and various gifts & hostess gifts from friends--pedometer, A Christmas Carol DVD, teacups and homemade tea mix, cinnamon-scented gingerbread man trivet.

We had the usual Christmas Eve open house. Cheese soup and Yule Log were the biggest hits made by my hands, Ron made the Gascony beef stew which I usually make (but his was awesome, baked in the cast iron pan in the oven the way it's supposed to be) and Jamie made a fabulous, two-tiered chocolate cake chocolate frosting, decorated with gumdrops, candy canes, and gumdrops. it was beautiful like the front of a magazine. Hopefully someone took pictures and will give me one.

Just like Josh takes lots of pictures of buildings with no people in them, I find myself increasingly traking or collecting pictures of food. Now if I can just keep photographing it and not eating it, I might be able to keep one of my New Year's resolutions.

My less than 15 minutes of fame

2005-12-30T15:47:00.000-05:00

I was standing in the mall buying ribbon at 75% off, about eighth back in line, when I saw a guy with a camera. I assumed it was the typical news story about day after Christmas bargain hunters, and it was. I turned my attention back to balancing my armload of beautiful wired ribbon when I was approached by a reporter who asked me questions, and, as I do when I get a little nervous, I kept talking.

The next day, when I was at my mother’s birthday party in the metropolitan Detroit area, I told my family I had been in the paper a that morning.

“Did you kill somebody?” they asked.

“Nope. I bought ribbon.”

“Must have been a slow news day.”

“She was on the front page, too,” my husband said.

“Honey, I thought we had to move to Tennessee for a quiet lifestyle, but it turns out we just have to move to Lansing,” my nephew said to his wife.

Even so, my son and I decided that in my leather coat and dark clothing (and obscured face) I looked like the baddest-ass, ribbon-buying mom in the mall.

2005-12-12T13:40:00.000-05:00

I have somewhat of a continuing saga here with the dance pad thing. I sent my husband to get the dance pad, but he came back with a box that included a dance pad AND the game...as far as we could tell. As we looked at all the large and tiny print on the box, including reference to something called XBOX Live, we were flummoxed. Did one have to have that? Was everything in the box that was needed? My husband found the address of the company and said we had to call them. "We're grandparents, for God's sake," he said. We called them; they called us back later and assured us we had everything we needed...XBOX Live offered more options, but the game could be played with the contents in the box. I think companies should start printing requirements in large print, and explaining every option with "You've got to have this" or "You don't have to have this, but it makes the game a lot more fun."

This is just one more event in the holiday preparations that makes me want to scream, "WHY IS EVERYBODY TRYING TO F*** WITH ME?" (Not nice Grandma talk, I know, but really, why are they?) I will explain other events if and when they get resolved.

Weird Words

2005-12-06T19:18:00.000-05:00

Do you know that experience you have where you say a word, and it sounds really weird and it keeps repeating in your mind and driving you crazy? I had that experience today with an entire sentence. I asked a clerk in a store, "Do you have the dance pad for Dance Dance Revolution--the one that's compatible with XBox, not PlayStation?"(Of course, I was Christmas shopping.) As I walked away, I was obsessed with the strangeness of it. It reminded me of part of a routine George Carlin did when I was in high school or college--things you will never say, like "Hand me that piano," or "Please saw my legs off." Maybe that was the weirdness of it. Even two months ago, I would not have anticipated the need to ever formulate such a sentence. Maybe now that I have written it down, it will go away.

Introverts

2005-11-05T19:08:00.000-05:00

I read this article a few years ago, and just came upon it again. I think it should be required reading for all extroverts. They probably won't sit down and be quiet long enough to read it, though.

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200303/rauch

Being in the moment vs. I want to be anyplace but where I am

2005-11-01T19:44:00.000-05:00

I had this strange sensation on Sunday that I haven't had for the longest time, and I found it very disturbing and unpleasant. I had to do several things that day, and no matter where I was, I wanted to be in the next place. All I really had to do was go to church, pick up a birthday card and a gift, go to a birthday party for my granddaughter(45 minutes away), and go home. At church they were doing a couple of unusual things: installing a new campus pastor and saying goodbye to a Brazilian minister who had been visiting for six weeks (and they had him come up and give a speech.) There was special music, which I usually love, but I just wanted them to hurry up so I could go to the store. The service ran over about a half an hour, which almost never happens. Then, as I was standing in a very long line at the craft store, I discovered the soapmaking kit I was buying was meant for children three years older than Amanda. I ran to another store and bought a card and just stuck some money in it, a thing I hate to do for a child unless there is an accompanying small gift. Then when we got to the birthday pary, after the first hour I wanted to go home so badly I felt like I was jumping out of my skin. (Maybe it was the sugar and caffeine from the cake and coffee.)

A few years ago, I was Christmas shopping,and feeling very anxious that time was running out and I would never finish. I purposely went to this specific KFC store where, at that time, the service was notoriously slow. I went there because the people who went there never seemed to care, and it seemed to calm me down. On this particular day, I was waiting in a not very long, but very slow line. Then the song "Just My Imagination" came on the music system and the two people behind me, who had come in separately, but realized they knew each other, spontaneously started singing along with the song. They laughed and started talking about what a pretty song it was. This is one of my favorite moments in life. It made me feel so good; I can't explain why. It was the moment I knew I might find there, though.

The feeling I had on Sunday was uncomfortable because at this point in my life, I know how important it is to be in the moment. Fortunately, Monday (Halloween) was a day like that. I did a lot of things that I find fun and joyful, and everything I did turned out even better than I thought it would. Everywhere I went, I was in the moment.

No pressure: teaching English and making music

2005-10-25T18:16:00.000-04:00

I now have two excellent things on Monday. I teach a small group of Korean women who belong to a church that is "nesting" at mine until they can have their own place. A little over a year ago, when their pastor was introduced to our church, he mentioned that he'd like someone to help the housewives with English. I introduced myself to him, and sent a follow-up e-mail saying I'd like to do it, but never heard anything back. Then, a few weeks ago, I got an e-mail from him saying he had been going through some old e-mails and found my message. Now I go there two mornings a week, and the housewives are very cultured, very educated ladies and I sometimes feel bad that all I have to offer them are some pronunciation exercises and conversation topics. I really enjoy talking to them.

Meanwhile, I had started taking piano lessons in an adult class at a local music store on Monday afternoons. I felt bad that I had no piano to practice on at home, but it hit me the day before I started doing the English class: I go to a giant old church that must have about a zillion pianos in it. I asked the man in charge of facility use if I could use one, explaining that I was a total beginner. He said that I could use the one in the chapel, which is a lovely, relatively quiet and uplifting place to practice. There is one intimidating factor, though: The chapel is right next to the Korean pastor's office, where his wife assists him. She was a piano major in college and teaches piano, their daughter is a graduate student in piano at MSU, and their son sings for the Metropolitan Opera in New York, and they have to listen to some idiot pound out "The Star-Spangled Banner" every Monday and Wednesday at noon. (I just started using the C, F, and G chords this week, and I know they wait with bated breath while I wait for an eternity between each note trying to find the chords.)

Actually, they came in once to talk to me (the wife is in my class) and they were actually very sweet to me. (However, I suspect the lunch at the Korean restaurant my group treated me to last week was to get me away from the piano.;))

The best thing about the English class and the piano class is NO PRESSURE. I have to plan, but I don't have to give tests or grades. If we get a really good conversation going on one topic, I don't have to shift gears so I can complete a curriculum. It's just ladies talking...in English. (...except when there is animated conversation in Korean explaining what I am talking about.) Then I get to go practice the piano and go to my lesson.

The cool thing about my lesson is also NO PRESSURE. The teacher's two favorite phrases are "Whatever you want" and "Just have fun." There is a philosophy about teaching adults being promoted that they are generally not preparing to be concert pianists; they're just looking to have fun and make music. There is actually a magazine discussing this philosophy, and I really like it. A long time ago, a lot of people sang and danced and played music, but somehow we now think that we're supposed to entrust those very human activities to professionals who will do it for us. I don't know if it applies, but there was this great line from the film
Hustle and Flow: "Every man's got the right to contribute a verse." I feel that way about singing and dancing. I mean, I love to hear and see excellent singing and dancing, but everyone's got to participate in some way at some point.

As I said to my husband, I wouldn't say, "I'm not an athlete, so I'm not going to the gym."

Van Man

2005-10-04T18:47:00.000-04:00

One day my son came home from high school and I asked him how his day had been. He said, "We had a van man." I had never seen Chris Farley's character on SNL at that time, so he had to explain that they had had a motivational speaker. Well, yesterday I got to see a "van man": Stephen Covey.(The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. His new book is The 8th Habit: from Effectiveness to Greatness.) The community college where I work sponsored this event, and generously set aside a certain number of free seats for interested employees. It's very expensive to see him (although the people who paid real money got a luncheon, but I doubt that the food was worth what they were charging the general public...or maybe it was by invitation only. According to the local paper, several local businesss leaders were there, but the only one I recognized was the president of our college.)

The presentation, although hot and long, actually contained some interesting, useful, and yes, motivational information. I also bought a book (continuing to assure that Mr. Covey will never have to live in a van down by the river) and had it signed by the author, who said "I see you as a trim-tab." He explained earlier that a trim tab is the small rudder that turns the large rudder on a ship...so he wrote that in my book: Mary--a trim tab! Stephen Covey

What I am really happy about, though, is I have an addition to my esoteric collection of autographed books: Chuck Pahlaniuk (He wrote Fight Club, but I have Diary and another book whose title I forget, but it's true, weird stuff he's encountered which informs his fiction), a collection of articles by Mitch Albom (before he wrote Tuesdays with Morrie and The Five People You Meet in Heaven) because he is such a good writer I actually started reading the sports column in The Detroit Free Press) and Growing Up Brady by Barry Williams (Greg on the Brady Bunch). I used to have a signed book by Mary Daly (GynEcology: The Metaethics of Radical Feminism), a former Catholic theologian turned radical lesbian feminist, but I threw it away during a crazy time. I don't buy them already signed at the bookstore: I must meet the author. Another prize possession is my photo with Mitch Albom, except it's on one of my dorkiest-looking days EVER...and that is saying something.

I went home from the Covey presentation all motivated and fired up, then on the radio I heard a soldier in Iraq say, "If I'm breathing, it's a good day." I thought, "Cool! That's my new motto! " and it took me all the way to about 3:00 today, at which time I started questioning the meaning of my life again. Apparently it's amassing an eclectic collection of autographed books.

Tattoos

2005-09-30T12:13:00.000-04:00

My students recently began working on their first full essay for the Advanced 1 Writing class I teach. They were able to pick from about 10 general topics from our textbook, and one of the most popular topics seems to be tatoos. They had to generate an effective thesis statement, prepare a (somewhat) formal outline, and they began writing their rough drafts yesterday. Among the Asian, African, and Latin American students in the class,we have a few students who find them unacceptable. However, not surprisingly, most of these young people think they're OK. As I went around the room helping people, I told a couple of them about a woman I met last year, who, as a 50th birthday present to herself, got a tattoo on her ankle. It was fairly small, a daisy or a butterfly or something. I don't remember. Anyway, I told a young Costa Rican and a young Japanese man about it, and their mouths dropped in I don't know...horror, disgust? It was, at any rate, a negative look of surprise. I pointed out that a young person who gets a tattoo now will someday be a 50-year-old with a tattoo, and even though they agreed, still seemed to find this bizarre. I'm going to ask the entire class (after they have finished this essay, so they won't be influenced) what the difference is between a 50-year-old woman who gets a tattoo, and a young woman who gets a tattoo now and someday turns 50. Rosalia pointed out she would have her tattoo done in a place that she can hide and that wouldn't be as subject to aging (Hah!Wait until she finds out everything is subject!) but the ankle, I think, meets both those requirements. I am really looking forward to this discussion.

Looking to be target-marketed

2005-09-23T08:49:00.000-04:00

I’ve been looking on line for a nice, warm vacation, and I’m feeling, once again, the nebulosity of my age. These things appear to be target-marketed to categories like “family” or “adult” and I’m discerning the “adult” category to be young couples, honeymooners, or senior citizens. What I’d like to go on is a vacation at which I would see a variety of people in a variety of circumstances. I just don’t want to feel out of place.

I’m not averse to doing things with people who are not just like me. Because of the time it takes place, my piano class is primarily retirees. When my husband and I took Bridge lessons a couple years ago, we were the youngest people there. When we went to a party at my friend Teya’s house, we were the oldest people there.

One of my students was at the party, and somehow we started discussing Eminem. I don’t have a huge collection (or any collection) of hip-hop or anything, but I like some of his stuff. He is also from my hometown, (really, in the town next door to my hometown) and being, by nature a “true to my school” kind of person in every aspect of my life, pay some attention to his career. I wasn’t really feeling old, but then Jo said, “Wow. You are the age of my parents and I can’t imagine discussing music with them like this.” Those moments make me feel a little goofy, and I would like to avoid them

Maybe I’m not looking for a variety of people. Maybe I’m looking for a vacation marketed to people just like me…mild-mannered women in their mid-forties with slightly older husbands, grown stepchildren, college-age children, who like disparate music, movies, etc., whose politics are liberal, who have some kind of spiritual faith, but who have a sense of humor (that is occasionally dark and twisted.)

I think I’ve just written a personal ad for a cruise package.

Sleep game 1: Casting the movie of my life.

2005-09-17T18:38:00.000-04:00

Having suffered a few bouts of insomnia in my life (a particularly severe one about 1994) I have over the years developed “sleep games,” mental activities to get my mind off whatever I’m obsessing about that’s keeping me awake.

A particular favorite is “Casting the movie of my life.” Of course, a movie of my life would itself be a swift cure for insomnia. I’ve always thought, though, I could be a good casting person, although most people in Hollywood never cast the books I’ve read the way I would.

The problem I’ve had lately is some of the casting involves people who don’t exist. When I began this game in high school, I didn’t have anybody to play me. I found the person a couple of years ago. The problem is, she’s a cartoon character: Peg Hill from King of the Hill. I don’t speak Spanish like Peg does (but if I did, I would probably spaeak it like she does.) However, I am a substitute teacher (and a damn fine one, like Peg, if I do say so myself. We both take it a little too seriously.) We both have similar, um…”fashion sense.” My son agrees that this is a pretty good choice.

And speaking of my son…a non-existent person would also have to play him. I told him that Johnny Depp and that kid from Napoleon Dynamite would somehow have to produce a child. While he initially went along with it, he later said something to the effect of, “Hey!”

My friend/stepdaughter-in law Shari would be played by Meg Ryan, a choice heartily approved by my stepson/her husband Jay, who eagerly agreed to portray himself under those circumstances.

The choice so far for my husband is that guy who plays Toby in West Wing, but that’s just a placeholder for now because most of the people I present that to say “Maybe” but are unenthusiastic. Mostly they just want to know who they are going to be portrayed by. I’m still working on it, though, because most of the people I had previously cast were folks I knew in high school, and my choices now obscure and forgotten TV sitcom actors.

GeoPsychology

2005-09-15T19:14:00.000-04:00

Does our geography contribute to the development of our personalities?

One of my current tasks is to research places for us to live after my husband retires, the plan being for me to continue working, only full-time at that point. We recently looked in northwestern Arkansas, which is actually quite pretty. My husband very much wants to have waterfront property, and, having grown up near a rather large lake, I like living by the water too. ( I don’t necessarily need to be on top of it; however, I do want it accessible.) Two more things, though: it has to be in a relatively warm place, and it has to be affordable for us. Arkansas offers these advantages.

The problem for me, though, is these kinds of places tend to be tucked into very hilly, very curvy places. Not only does the driving aspect kind of freak me out, but when I got up into the development we were thinking about, I had this sensation of being stuffed in an envelope. The other places that weren’t developments were very isolated, also a freaky feeling for me.

The problem, I guess, is I’m a quasi-city girl who grew up and has always lived up here in the flatlands. People who come from hilly places tell me they get a strange sensation when they drive and they can see for miles ahead of them. I, on the other hand, find that very comforting. I am like that in other areas of my life, too. If I’m going to have a medical test, first I want to look at and touch all the equipment. If I’m going somewhere, I will try to find out everything I can about that place. Although I like certain kinds of surprises, when it comes to things I’m going to do, I want to see what’s coming.

I don’t know, but I imagine the “hilly” people have a greater sense of joy and discovery not knowing what’s around the next curve (and also greater reaction times to deal with the unexpected deer or pedestrian.)

An elderly lady I know told me about a lady from Kansas that she knew that didn’t like to drive here because all the trees seemed strange to her. She didn’t eeven like the ivy growing on my friend’s house. Hearing this story made me feel slightly less weird, and just how geography shapes our fears, goals, aspirations, and general eccentricities.

My piano lesson

2005-09-13T18:46:00.000-04:00

It was so fun! I signed up for an adult beginner piano class, eight people for eight weeks. It's at a music store, and I can tell it's basically designed to sell fancy electronic pianos to people. Most of the students in my class are retired seniors, except a minister and his wife who can't keep a pianist at their church because "they won't follow orders." (I'm the youngest person in the class...like when I took bridge lessons a few years ago. I've found the secret to feeling young!) We played the Star-Spangled Banner with our right hand (fingering comes next week) and we had music, but little red dots showed us where to play. She did actually teach us the keyboard and how to find the notes between the black keys (I know this sounds ridiculous, but I'm a total newbie!) I don't have a piano (I signed my husband up for the waiting list for a possible evening class, and maybe that will rectify that situation. When I was in real estate, they called that the "puppy dog close"...let the person take the puppy dog home for the night, or actually use the item, and you will sell it.) I am very excited to go back next week.

Plans and irritants

2005-09-12T08:39:00.000-04:00

Plans for today: Shop for b-day cards and gifts for Joe and Shari. Write vocab quiz for tomorrow. Correct/grade journals and paragraphs for next week. Go to piano lesson (First one ever in my life. Very exciting. Will write about tomorrow.)
Irritants (Language department.) When did everything start happening "ahead of" other things instead of simply "before" them? For example, "They had left new Orleans ahead of the hurricane?"
And where have the articles gone? I hear this sort of stuff frequently on NPR and various news shows: "FDA said…" "According to CIA…." These things are "agencies" or "administrations" ((hence the "A" in the acronym) and are countable and require a frickin’ ARTICLE, people!!! THE FDA, THE CIA…
Finally, why are the adjectives coming after the nouns? The particular phrase annoying me these days is "date certain." As in, "He wouldn’t commit to a date certain," for example, to confirm a nominee or get out of Iraq.
I know. You think it doesn’t matter. It’s simply an evolution of language. No. No. These are violations of the rules correlating with the whole breakdown of the system. I don’t have time right now to find links for the specific examples (see the very important things I must do today at the top of the post.) I do know, however, I have been hearing them for months, because they set my teeth on edge every time I hear them.

Resolutions for the REAL New (school) Year

2005-09-11T10:50:00.000-04:00

In a previous post, I talked of this time of year being my "new year," and one of my "resolutions" is to pay more attention to my blog and try to do more things on it. I want to make a list of links to the blogs I read regularly, but haven’t found out how to do that yet. I will say I check Dana’s and Neil’s blogs every day, and also waiterrant.net. I’m going to try to post every day just for the personal discipline aspect, like keeping a daily journal. I don’t know how to make one of those lists on the side yet.
Maybe I will start posting pictures, too, now that we have a scanner that works with our newer computer.
I’ll write about work, books I read and movies I see, and the 25th anniversary party I have planned in August. So far I have booked a venue for it and lined up a decorator (Shari, of course) and a cake maker( Jamie). I also want to do a DVD slide show (or, more likely, have it done for me.)
It’s kind of hard to write about some things on my mind, because it gets into other people’s lives and issues, and that’s somewhat difficult when using this kind of forum. I will also try to relate things more closely to the theme/title of the blog.
I’m going to try to take it up in terms of quality, but in order to motivate myself to do that, I’ll have to concentrate on quantity. A favorite quote of mine, attributed to Woody Allen, is something to the effect that 80% of success in life is based on showing up. Therefore, that’s what I will concentrate on for a while.

Who are these people?

2005-09-10T08:37:00.000-04:00

All the hurricane news, in particular, the mismanagement afterwards, is causing me to feel very cynical. I'm sure there will be plenty of blame to go around, locally, statewide, and between both major political parties, but I especially don't get it at the top, federal levels...people find things out exclusively by aides handing them memos?? Can't anybody turn on a television? This is what gets me...the disconnect, the bureaucracy. Who are these people? How do they live? How are they supposed to help people, and assist in situations, about whom and which they have no understanding? The older I get, and the more I see what kinds of things cause people to get elected or appointed to high offices, the more I despair. http://www.nytimes.com/2005/09/10/opinion/10dowd.html?th&emc=t I guess the only thing to do is develop our self-reliance, because the people who are supposed to help us won't be there for us when they're supposed to be. An eighteen-year-old kid, Jabbor Gibson, seems to get this.
http://www.newschannel5.tv/2005/9/1/4255/Taking-refuge-in-the-Astrodome

Back to "normal"

2005-09-09T11:03:00.000-04:00

Whoa, I went through the entire month of August without posting. I'm sure that was profoundly disappointing to my reader (if she's even reading this anymore). Life has returned to some semblance of normal (although not really ideal) after a rather strange summer (see previous post). As a teacher and perennial student (not in an advanced degree kind of way, but a let's see how many licenses and certificates I can get in my lifetime kind of way) I have always regarded the beginning of the school year in later August/ September the real beginning of the year, full of promise, opportunity, clean slates, and renewed energy. These, then, are the things I'll be working on: planning, creating, and organizing stuff for my 25th wedding anniversary party in August; going through all my stuff for disposal, garage sale or donation; and organizing my work life. I will override my shyness and introversion and meet more people and develop new friendships. I'll also try to post, at least occasionally, about more important things than what is (or is not) happening in my life.