The End of My World as I Know It (And the Start of a New One)

I have been thinking of ending this blog for some time, rather than just letting it fade away. Some things have happened recently that make me feel my age is no longer nebulous, but that I am indeed over that proverbial hill. I will continue to blog, but I will start a new one which reflects my new reality. I'm not quite sure what that is yet, but I'm working on it.

The most important thing that has happened is that my mom died. The funeral was yesterday, and I was going to write about it, but as I started to think about things to write in relation to this past week, I discovered my emotions are still a little too raw to do it right now. The horrible events today in Connecticut are doing something odd and as yet indescribable to my personal grief. The one thing I can say is the fact that the man shot his mother on the week I said farewell to mine is particularly galling. I can't even begin to talk about the children.

I also found out when I came back from the funeral and checked my Facebook page, a colleague (two years younger than I) had died suddenly the day before. This was not someone I knew personally, but I knew who he was. He taught a workshop I had attended recently. One of the young ladies I accompanied to Germany this past spring was his student, and her Facebook post was how I found out. She liked him a lot, as I think most of his students did.

The final thing happening is this, and I am glad I have something to say that's positive. My husband and I recently bought a place in Florida. We will be "snow birds" who head south when the weather gets too cold. We bought the whole place online (offer, etc) and closed with a notary here, but we spent Thanksgiving week there. We met a few neighbors and we love the place. We will keep our home here for some time yet, but we will probably eventually make our permanent home there.

Once I start my new blog, I will post here one last time with the information. Thanks to those of you who took time to read this blog.

Small Victories

I'm happy to report that I have lost 10 pounds since the beginning of the year, and I am on track to lose more most of the time. I have been slowly but steadily improving at bowling (though still the lowest scorer on the league). Finally, the Germany trip looks like it's going to be a reality. I will be teaching an online class to prepare the students who are going. I have never taught an online class (actually, its sort of hybrid; two classes, in theory, are supposed to meet in person) before. I am soooo excited!

Progress

I'm still trying to work on the health stuff one good choice at a time. The weight is going in the right direction (down, of course) but very slowly. My husband was really successful with modified Perricone so he'd like me to try that. He's willing to cook for me, so I'll give it a go. One problem I have with plans that are somewhat prescriptive in nature is I have to think about food too much and then I start obsessing in a way that causes me to want to eat constantly. He does most of the cooking anyway (he's a very good cook) so it will feel pretty natural. Some things I've been doing well are avoiding second helpings, snacking on fruit, and making better choices (usually) when I eat away from home. I have to work on my angry eating, candy fixation (the world is full of candy), and eating between meals.

I had to skip my second week of bowling because I pulled a muscle in my back during a coughing fit. The strong meds, warm Thermacare packs and pain caused me to sleep a lot for a few days, so that kept me away from the fridge. I did get to the third week of bowling and had fun (although my teammates never think I'm having fun because I always seem tense, but that's just how I seem when I'm doing anything out of the ordinary). I drink beer at bowling (not too much), so I will plan for that from a calorie standpoint.

The annoying work stuff has been tempered by a wonderful opportunity. It looks like I will be teaching an online class connected with a trip to Germany, and I'll be going on that trip as well. That is another incentive to get in better shape. It's just easier to travel from a variety of perspectives when one is strong and slender...long plane trips, wardrobe/packing choices, carrying stuff and so on. I have to complete the application (it's for another CC) today. I thought it would be a simple application for the record, but it appears I have to prepare a lot of accompanying materials. I'm trying to figure out every class I've taught for the past five years, going through papers and whatnot. It's also motivating me to review what German I know, especially since I've been getting kind of lazy because I'm auditing my current class. The class I'm teaching is more a cultural/preparation kind of thing, so fluency is not so important. I'm going to do some intensive study anyway because I want to be a good example.

Bowling

I am replacing someone on our work bowling team for the next several weeks. I went for the first time earlier this week and I was not very good at all, but I really think I will get better. My teammates are nice and encouraging and really gave helpful advice. It was nice to spend time with work folks in that context, although it's hard to come into an established group of people and not feel shy and awkward for a while. I'm really looking forward to going back next week. I really enjoyed being involved in an activity and not just sitting in front of the computer or TV.

Games

I'm doing a little bit better now because I've got skin in the game. I joined one of these contests in which you submit some money. If you lose a certain percentage of weight by a certain time, you get your money back, and you split up the money of those who didn't meet the goal among the successful participants.

The percentage I need to lose in the amount of time I need to lose it is not at all unreasonable, and will get me back into the clothes that no longer fit.

There is a situation going on at work that is making me really angry, so I don't know whether that anger is going to help me burn off calories or make me want to eat unhealthy things to handle the stress. It is certainly a motivator for exercise. The situation is being handled via the proper channels, but I'm in this place now where I just want a WIN. I wonder if this is what happens to politicians; at some point, it's not so much about principles, but they just don't want to be beat down in the game. (To be clear, it is still about the principles for me, but I really want to play the hand I have well. I want people to know that those of us affected know how.)

I think I'm going to call the guy who cuts my hair this week. I'm going to ask him to give me something that looks corporate scary.

Week 2 Will Be Better

There were small victories this week regarding my health makeover, but quite honestly, I did not do what I set out to do. There were a couple emotional challenges this week, and I suspect there will be next week as well. That's when work gets into full swing, my new German classes start, and I think I might be joining a bowling league (that will actually be fun, I think). I'm going to try to live my plan, but I suspect it will be easier in week 3, when a routine begins falling into place. I sort of hit bottom emotionally yesterday, mainly relating to work. I think there might be legitimate avenues opening up there in which I can appropriately express myself, and that will be most helpful. We have a new director, and I have high hopes for her. They are going to redesign our building, and the open office/hoteling plan is a source of much contention. I think it will go forward with or without our enthusiasm, though, so I might as well try to look forward to it. I just want it to hurry up and be done because I know what it's like to live "under construction." I have also started looking into renewing certifications, memberships, and so on, so that kind of professional development is on the docket for next week.

Day 2...Not So Great

I had to skip breakfast because of my blood tests, and I ended the day with a glass of wine and Juevos Rancheros during dinner out with a friend. There was no exercise to speak of except the approximate 3 block walk to my work meeting from the parking lot and a couple of flights up stairs. I also ate a chocolate covered pretzel and a cookie at the work meeting.

My success for today was eating a little bit of yogurt with cereal and tolerating it. Tomorrow will be a better today because I will be at home and I have stocked the house with lots of healthy choices. I'll also spend 30 minutes minimum with the exercise equipment. I'll have to figure out a strategy for Thursday and Friday when I go to more work meetings. I think I'll pack some grapes or something. Onward and upward.