My less than 15 minutes of fame

I was standing in the mall buying ribbon at 75% off, about eighth back in line, when I saw a guy with a camera. I assumed it was the typical news story about day after Christmas bargain hunters, and it was. I turned my attention back to balancing my armload of beautiful wired ribbon when I was approached by a reporter who asked me questions, and, as I do when I get a little nervous, I kept talking.

The next day, when I was at my mother’s birthday party in the metropolitan Detroit area, I told my family I had been in the paper a that morning.

“Did you kill somebody?” they asked.

“Nope. I bought ribbon.”

“Must have been a slow news day.”

“She was on the front page, too,” my husband said.

“Honey, I thought we had to move to Tennessee for a quiet lifestyle, but it turns out we just have to move to Lansing,” my nephew said to his wife.

Even so, my son and I decided that in my leather coat and dark clothing (and obscured face) I looked like the baddest-ass, ribbon-buying mom in the mall.

I have somewhat of a continuing saga here with the dance pad thing. I sent my husband to get the dance pad, but he came back with a box that included a dance pad AND the game...as far as we could tell. As we looked at all the large and tiny print on the box, including reference to something called XBOX Live, we were flummoxed. Did one have to have that? Was everything in the box that was needed? My husband found the address of the company and said we had to call them. "We're grandparents, for God's sake," he said. We called them; they called us back later and assured us we had everything we needed...XBOX Live offered more options, but the game could be played with the contents in the box. I think companies should start printing requirements in large print, and explaining every option with "You've got to have this" or "You don't have to have this, but it makes the game a lot more fun."

This is just one more event in the holiday preparations that makes me want to scream, "WHY IS EVERYBODY TRYING TO F*** WITH ME?" (Not nice Grandma talk, I know, but really, why are they?) I will explain other events if and when they get resolved.

Weird Words

Do you know that experience you have where you say a word, and it sounds really weird and it keeps repeating in your mind and driving you crazy? I had that experience today with an entire sentence. I asked a clerk in a store, "Do you have the dance pad for Dance Dance Revolution--the one that's compatible with XBox, not PlayStation?"(Of course, I was Christmas shopping.) As I walked away, I was obsessed with the strangeness of it. It reminded me of part of a routine George Carlin did when I was in high school or college--things you will never say, like "Hand me that piano," or "Please saw my legs off." Maybe that was the weirdness of it. Even two months ago, I would not have anticipated the need to ever formulate such a sentence. Maybe now that I have written it down, it will go away.